SINGAPORE: A Singaporean man recently revealed on social media that his mum is still very controlling even though he’s already 28 years old.
Posting on r/askSingapore, a Reddit forum, he shared that although he is already an adult earning a stable income of around S$6,000, his mum still enforces rules that seem more suited to a teenager.
For instance, she expects him to be home by midnight. “When I’m not back by 12ish, my mom starts to spam me crazily and angrily although I have given her assurance that I am out and well and I constantly message her,” he said.
In addition to the curfew, his mum also controls his daily routine, like ‘what time he should go to bed’.
“Recently I got a girlfriend and, it gets even worse. I can’t even call her at night without her getting pissed. She interrupts often and rudely. Going out with her also makes my “curfew” even worst. She expects me to be back as soon as possible when I mentioned about her..” he added.
The man also mentioned that while he’s considered moving out to gain some independence, his mum’s declining health makes him hesitant to leave her alone.
With his brother preparing to move out soon and their father having passed away a few years ago, he feels torn between his responsibility to stay and his need for personal space.
“Currently I’m so conflicted and I appreciate any advice on what I should do sincerely,” he wrote.
“Communicate with your mum. Set boundaries with her.”
In the comments, several Singaporean Redditors urged him to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with his mum about establishing some boundaries.
They emphasized that being straightforward about his needs could really help change the dynamic, even if it feels a bit awkward at first.
One Redditor explained, “Communicate with your mum. Set boundaries with her and let her know firmly that you have grown up, and need your own space and freedom to live your life. Also let her know upfront that you have a girlfriend now and have plans to get married.
I suspect she has anxious attachment or maybe just a lot of anxiety and loneliness. Nevertheless, it’s not right of her to control you.”
Another said, “You are an adult now. Your relationship with her is no longer the relationship between an adult and a child. If she don’t understand that, it’s your job to make her understand that.
“Mute her whatsapp. Turn off notifications. Ignore her. If she ask you why, tell her why. As long as she keep on behaving like so, continue on.”
Others, meanwhile, advised him to consider moving out of his mum’s house. They pointed out that if he doesn’t take that step soon, he may end up feeling dependent on her for much longer than he desires.
One Redditor wrote, “If you have any reservations about your mum’s health, then unfortunately you will never allow yourself to leave. And it will definitely get worse when you become the last child to physically stay in the house.
“By then you won’t even feel you can marry, buy a house and have your own family. Your mother is grooming you to be her caregiver.”
Another commented, “At 6k I’d move out. Rent a room in a share somewhere and just enjoy some peace.”
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