SINGAPORE: A Singaporean woman recently shared on social media that she’s starting to have doubts about the guy she’s dating after finding out that his main love language is “receiving gifts.”
At first, she was fine with covering meals and small expenses, but over time, she started to notice a concerning pattern. Whenever she paid for things, he would become more loving and affectionate, but if she didn’t, he would turn distant, snappy, and irritable.
“This makes me feel not good in general,” she wrote on r/sgdatingscene, a Reddit forum.
Moreover, she said that their outings always seemed to be centered around his interests and preferences. For instance, during shopping trips, he’d casually mention items he liked or point out things he found appealing, almost as if he was leaving subtle hints for her to pick up on.
Though he didn’t explicitly ask her to buy anything, the constant focus on his wants made her uncomfortable. The final straw came when she casually suggested he buy her a simple drink, like something from kopitiam, to celebrate his upcoming paycheck for the work he had finished.
However, once again, his response left her uneasy. He said to her, “But you have so much more money than I do, and there are things I want to buy for myself.”
Because of these incidents, it made her wonder whether the guy she was dating was a ‘gold digger’ after all, as he seemed more interested in what she could provide for him.
Feeling conflicted, she turned to the community for advice, asking, “What would you do if you were me? Honestly, I don’t want to end things because he’s attractive and maybe I’m still in denial and thinking that it’s possible for something to come out of this.”
“No offense but if your partner doesn’t appreciate the small things, then it’s not worth giving him luxury goods.”
Many netizens advised her to consider ending the relationship if she felt that her needs were not being adequately met. They also encouraged her to prioritize her own happiness and to seek a partner who values her for more than just her financial contributions.
One netizen said, “I never understood how this love language gift works. Why not just gift hand-made items or cook? If he doesn’t appreciate it, just break up. No offense but if your partner doesn’t appreciate the small things, then it’s not worth giving him luxury goods.
“A kopitiam drink, also don’t want to pay for you, might as well just break up. He’s leeching off you.”
Another added, “His reply “but you’ve so much more money than I do…. And there’re things I want to buy for myself…”, sorry to say… he sounds rather selfish. What about the things that YOU wanna buy for YOURSELF too? Has he even thought about that?
The highest form of love is consideration. Remember that. And being kind is the bare minimum.”
A third netizen commented, “In my opinion, many red flags there (it’s not just about the money). Perhaps ask yourself if you would put up with such behaviour if he were not attractive.
I’m sorry to be a wet blanket, but unless he changes, this looks like a relationship that would lead to a lot of heartbreak down the road.”
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