SINGAPORE: A Singaporean woman took to social media on Friday (Sept 6) to share that her husband of five years cheated on her and also gaslighted her afterwards.
Posting on r/askSingapore, a Reddit forum, she explained that after discovering that her husband has been having an affair with another married woman, she ‘ratted him out’ to the other woman’s husband.
However, instead of taking responsibility, her husband’s reaction was anger and blame, leading him to gaslight her. He chastised her for being a ‘bad person’ and claimed she hadn’t considered how the other husband might react.
He even suggested that her actions could potentially put their family and children in harm’s way.
“Tell me I’m not the only person who thinks this is so twisted,” she said in her post. “My response to him was, ‘Did you not think of how her husband might come and harm our kids if he had found out about you and his wife?’”
She was already dealing with insecurities after the discovery, but his reaction, she claims, drove her to completely give up on their marriage. “My spouse and I are most likely headed for divorce,” she said.
Still, even though the betrayal deeply hurts her, she’s committed to keeping things civil for the sake of their two young kids.
“Showing my hatred for him in front of my kids will not be healthy for their development. They are younger than 5. We don’t lash out at each other or hurl vulgarities or anything,” she added.
Determined to navigate this challenging situation with as much grace as possible, she reached out to the community for advice on co-parenting with her unfaithful husband after the divorce was finalized.
She wrote, “Has anyone (as the betrayed spouse) gone through the same experience before, and is there any advice or resources you could share?”
“Co-parenting comes much, much, much later.”
In the comments section, many people expressed sympathy for her situation and commended her for her commitment to keeping things amicable for her children.
One commenter who had experienced a similar situation mentioned that co-parenting usually starts ‘much, much, much later—once everything has settled down and both parties are living their own independent lives.’
He added, “First and foremost, hang in there. The journey will be long, but things will get better. Seek support from friends, family, etc., if it is available to you.
Support can be financial, looking after the children for a while, emotional and strategic support for yourself. Divorce proceedings can be tiring and manipulative, so try to get some people in your team to strategise.”
Another commenter suggested it’s expected to take a step back and give herself some space for now.
She said, “There’s still understandably a lot of emotion involved, which may hinder your ability to co-parent well, and that’s okay. Just do the bare minimum. Let him have his own time with the kids, share important info with him, maintain civility in front of them.”
A third commenter, who shared that he was a child of a broken marriage, reminded her that a bad husband doesn’t necessarily equate to a bad father.
He then urged her to prioritize her children’s well-being, writing:
“Keep their best interests in mind when making decisions, such as maintaining cordial relations with your soon-to-be-ex so you can benefit as best you can from the divorce proceedings, whether with custody or finances.
Also, properly document conversations and keep records of everything.”
Featured image by Depositphotos