SINGAPORE: A man recently used social media to discuss the challenges of being a stay-at-home husband/father in Singapore.
In his post on Reddit’s Ask Singapore forum, he discussed the difficulty of breaking free from traditional gender expectations, which typically see men as the breadwinners and women as the caretakers.
While there’s been progress in shifting these stereotypes, especially in more progressive households, society at large still tends to question the idea of a man being the primary caregiver.
“Some people are unable to appreciate that men can play a nurturing role at home and instead see the man as a slacker,” he said.
“Parents/family with more conservative views may disapprove of such a relationship. And even if they don’t, other relatives or extended family members may still comment on it during family gatherings like CNY,” he added.
Another challenge he pointed out is the impact on his career. The longer a man stays home, the harder it becomes to rejoin the workforce, especially if his resume has a long gap.
He mentioned that, unlike stay-at-home mothers, men in similar situations often don’t receive the same understanding or support from employers when they try to return to their careers.
Finally, he addressed the financial vulnerability of being a stay-at-home husband/father, particularly during a divorce.
“SG law does not allow men to claim alimony even if they have sacrificed career prospects.” Coupled with his previous point, “This can be quite a serious problem for the ex-husband’s financial security,” he wrote.
“This all depends on your Significant Other (SO)”
Many users joined the discussion, sharing their thoughts and personal experiences. Some pointed out that, besides the issues the man raised in his post, stay-at-home husbands/dads struggle with their self-esteem, especially when their kids become teenagers and more independent.
They often search for ways to stay occupied with less to do at home. A few even tried to re-enter the workforce but faced challenges, as many jobs they found paid very little, given their long break from work.
Another point that came up was loneliness. Stay-at-home dads often lack the strong support network that stay-at-home mums have. And while stay-at-home mums usually have a group of people they can rely on, dads are less likely to be included in these circles.
One user added a different take: “This depends on your Significant Other (SO). There is nothing wrong with being a SAHD, but gender roles can be a bit tricky.
How will she feel in the long term as she earns her income? Once a woman starts earning money, they might think that they are above you. Thus, as the sole head of the family, you become diminished. Many aspects might be against a SAHD compared to a SAHM.”
Meanwhile, others advised the man to handle the societal pressures and judgments of being a stay-at-home dad.
One user said, “To be honest, people will say whatever they want. But if circumstances require a husband to stay home to care for the place and nurture offspring, and it works out while your partner earns big bucks, why even bother with others?
Just laugh away. I would have doubled down and purposely texted those who laughed at me, ‘Morning, have a good day at work.’ Then, I would go about my routines.”
Others suggested that the man consider taking up some activities to enrich his life outside household responsibilities. This way, he could feel more fulfilled and gain confidence in his role.
One user shared, “I know two men whose wives became wildly successful, and they didn’t need to work anymore. So they didn’t.
But instead of being SAH dads, they also did ‘noble’ things like becoming pro-bono NGO consultants, volunteering with charities, etc. IMO that helped them sidestep many perceived issues of being a non-working male.”
In other news, a man sought help online after his 63-year-old father was retrenched from his clerical job, which paid S$2,800 monthly.
On Wednesday (Jan 15), the man posted on r/askSingapore, a Reddit forum, explaining that his father had been actively trying to find new employment, but unfortunately, no one had been willing to hire him.
Read more: “This is a desperate plea for help” – Son seeks help online after elderly father gets retrenched
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