SINGAPORE: A man in his 30s said that his homemaker wife still complained about a lack of support from him even though she has a maid. In an anonymous post to popular confessions page SGWhispers, the man wrote that he was genuinely seeking advice and perhaps a different perspective from netizens. He said he and his wife were in their mid-to-late thirties and had two small children.
“I am working (~70hrs a week) whilst my wife has quit her job to look after her kids. We have a full-time helper. My wife would often complain that she gets little support from me around the house”, he wrote, adding that he tried to help and spend time with the children where possible. However, the man said that his wife still managed the children for the majority of the time. “Whilst there is no doubt about the importance of a father in a child’s upbringing and spending time with the kids is enjoyable, I find it tiring that she believes she lacks support from her hubby and therefore lacks time for anything else. Looking to see if I should change my perspective”, the man wrote.
Netizens who commented on the post said that while the husband was doing his part, his wife probably felt burnout from constantly being with the children. One commented: “I think she’s feeling overwhelmed. It’s like being at your workplace 24/7. No rest no away time even if you have rest time, your mind isn’t rested while being constantly with the kids around 24/7 too.
If the full time helper isn’t very good, your wife is practically looking after 3 people instead of 2. I don’t get the comments that sound frustrated. Only when you are in this actual situation then you will understand why both husband and wife wonder why the other person “isn’t doing enough.” To those who feel she doesn’t have a right to be overwhelmed. Well, we are not in her shoes. But since she’s saying she’s overwhelmed and need the husband’s help. Her feelings are valid to her husband.
To OP, I don’t think you are wrong. Because kids at this age is truly tough for any couple. Your wife has communicated to you her feelings. Find a way to ride it out together until the kids reach primary school, it will be easier. I suspect the main crux is that the 2 of you have forgotten to spend quality time together. Which is hard to achieve now.
Moreover with a helper. Find a way to spend some alone time, out of the house. 30mins or whatever is also better than nothing. When the kids are asleep with the helper at home. Get groceries together or just walk downstairs have a small chat. Just the 2 of you. Talk about anything but home issues. Reconnect as a couple. What’s her love language? Send her a short text during the day to let her know you’re thinking about her and that you miss her. Get her a flower/food when you come back home etc.
Let her know you’re always on her mind even when you’re working. Usually when someone is upset about a situation it may just be the tip of the iceberg of something else”.