SINGAPORE: A 27-year-old woman took to Reddit to share that her 30-year-old fiancé gets angry because he pays for almost everything.
She explained that her future spouse earned $310,000 annually, whereas she worked as a nurse and took on a second job to supplement her income of $60,000. She added that despite living in a province known for its high cost of living, they do not lead extravagant lives, and she does not ask her husband to buy her stuff.
“He’ll sometimes get this bout of generosity where he’ll offer to buy me something I’ve been eying, but I almost always say no, or if I do accept, I offer to pay half of the total cost,” she said.
“We bought a small house a few years ago and still don’t have furniture to make use of the living room because he “didn’t want to pay for it”. I feel at a loss because I love him regardless of salary, but it feels like my worth to him is closely tied to my earnings.
He keeps making nasty comments about how I’m a “financial burden” and an “overall net negative” and how “someone has to work to pay for everything”. I really love my job, and I work extremely hard at it. I just don’t know what to do to solve this animosity.”
She said she was feeling very low about herself because of all the hurtful things her husband had said to her.
“When is it enough? Will I ever actually be enough? Is money really the root issue? Some insight on how to work through this is greatly appreciated,” she asked for advice.
The Scorecard Husband
After reading about her case, most of the users told her not to get married to a man who “keeps a scorecard”.
“Do NOT marry this man. He’s already resentful and keeping a score card. You will always be made to feel like a burden,” one advised.
“I dont think you should get married. At least until you guys have a written agreement about finances and how they will be handled and some premarital counseling,” another one wrote.
“He’s watching you work yourself ragged while he makes almost 4 times your income. That’s not the act of a loving partner,” another user said.
When will it be enough?
Multiple sources state that having a joint checking account and having a portion of each person’s paychecks transferred into it is much simpler.
This lessens stress and uncomfortable financial conversations while also enhancing transparency and understanding. This is particularly beneficial when one of you continuously reminds the other of what they owe.