SINGAPORE: In a post on the Facebook group ‘MDW in Singapore,’ a netizen explained that an employer had hoped their new helper would form a strong, affectionate bond with their children.
She envisioned the helper becoming a caretaker and a nurturing presence in her kids’ lives—someone who would play with them, laugh with them, and engage in their day-to-day activities with warmth and affection.
However, the reality fell short of her expectations. While diligent and competent in her duties, the helper seemed distant and did not connect with her children as the employer hoped.
“She doesn’t see her helper close and sweet to her kids… Play with them… giggle with them,” the netizen said. “She is expecting [the helper] to be more passionate and closer to her kids. And not like doing things just because it’s your work.”
The situation prompted the employer to reflect on whether her expectations were unrealistic. The netizen shared that the employer asked her, “Am I asking for too much? Should I tell the helper?”
The netizen responded by expressing that, in her view, it might be better for children not to get too attached to helpers since they won’t be around forever.
She advised the employer:
“It’s good to let your kids have that love and get more love and attention from parents and not from other people. Make your children trust and rely on nobody but you as a parent. Do not teach your children how not to need you.
Because most of these kids who are close to their nannies will tend to have a separation issue, which will give a hard time to parents and the kids in the future.”
“I tend to get jealous when my kids get too close with the helper.”
In the comments section, many people agreed with the netizen’s perspective, saying that they preferred their kids not to get too attached to their helpers.
One netizen expressed, “I’m with you. I tend to get jealous when my kids get too close with the helper. So I rather they are not.”
Another commented, “It’s hard also for the helper to move on when they go back already or transfer, so yeah it’s good also that kids will not be so close to their auntie but still teach them to respect and listen to their auntie/nanny…”
A few domestic helpers also chimed into the discussion and shared their views.
A helper who has worked with various employers of different races mentioned that although she “treats the kids as if they were her own,” she still respects certain boundaries.
She explained that while she provides care and affection, she leaves the responsibility of training and guiding the children up to the parents.
Another helper said, “Same thoughts. But I can’t help it. This boy spends more time with me than his parents. Though it’s easy for me to let go, I know this boy will have a hard time.
Parents are happy; the more people genuinely love and care for their son, the better.”
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