SINGAPORE: Uncomfortable with the idea of her boyfriend being a “mama’s boy,” a woman admitted on social media that she’s rethinking her relationship.
“My bf lives with his mother, and every time I visit my bf’s house, it feels like his mom doesn’t want me there. And one time, I stayed for a night and things just become awkward the next day with his mom. My bf is the youngest son she has,” the woman wrote on Reddit on Saturday (Feb 17).
The woman also shared that, at first, his mother only intended to stay with him for a month. However, he gave her one room because his mother did not leave.
Although her boyfriend also wants his mother to leave, she says he does not have the heart to ask her because he believes it will be mean.
“I feel like his mom won’t let his son live alone without her. Lately, talking about his mom living with him creates fights between us. He keeps telling me he couldn’t just make her leave, and that he keeps saying he’s not a mama’s boy. I don’t really want to talk about it with him but it’s affecting our relationship. Our usual only bonding is me visiting that house and if his mom keeps the attitude around I might lose temper. I really don’t know if I should stay in this relationship,” the woman said.
She also stated that because her boyfriend is struggling financially, he keeps asking her for money to pay for the house.
“Run away! A grown man can’t tell his married mother to go home”
Many advised her to break up with her boyfriend immediately. One redditor said, “Run away! A grown man can’t tell his married mother to go home.
He’s also in a house he can’t afford. He could afford it if he got roommates. Suggest to him that he kick his mom out so he can rent out rooms. But that’s a whole mess and you don’t want to be anywhere near it.”
Another commented, “He’s showing you that he’ll always pick his mom over you, he’s showing you that he’d rather upset you than have a simple talk to his mom, and he’s showing you that he’d rather burden you financially than ask his mom for rent. Why would you stay with this gem of a man?”
One redditor who was once in her shoes, as she also dated a mama’s boy in the past, explained: “This is a fundamental problem he has with relationships with women.
It will not be fixed by you, he will not grow a shiny new spine to be with you, he will not protect you or prioritize you. IF his mother were to magically disappear, he would expect you to become his mother and in every way that you aren’t like her, he will criticize you.”
How to deal with a “Mama’s boy”
It’s not necessarily terrible to be in a relationship with someone close to his mother. “Mama’s boys” are believed to be more emotionally invested in healthier relationships than the average male.
They’re also less likely to leave you in the lurch with lies and betrayal. However, some strict boundaries should be established; otherwise, he will continue to be at his mother’s beck and call, which may disrupt your relationship dynamics and result in resentment or even a breakup.
Here are some tips for dealing with your partner if he has a “very close” relationship with his mother:
Establish boundaries. From the get-go, make it clear that you want a boundary between your relationship and his relationship with his mom.
Don’t move in with his mother. Their tight bond may weigh heavily on you because, in the event of a disagreement, he may choose to side with his mother. He will be more sensitive to her thoughts and feelings than you. It is, therefore, preferable to move out and live in a separate residence.
Avoid confrontations. Do not start a fight with your partner’s mother or ask her to back off. It is not your place to do so. Instead, approach this sensitive topic maturely with your partner.
Do not distance yourself from his mother. If you love your partner, you must accept that his mother is an extremely important figure in his life. Get to know or visit her sometimes so that you two can form a close bond.
Read also: Girlfriend doesn’t bathe for several days; boyfriend asks if he should be “accepting and not judge”
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