SINGAPORE: A woman is starting to question her worth after realising her partner prefers hanging out with his brothers instead of spending time with her.
In a post on r/singaporeraw, she mentioned that her partner always makes time for his brothers after work and even stays up late with them. But when she asks for quality time together, he would tell her that “he needs to focus more on work and work harder”.,
Perplexed by his response, she asked the community, “Isn’t that a bit contradictory? I’m honestly feeling a bit confused.”
The woman added that she isn’t asking for a lot in their relationship. More than anything, she just wants to spend meaningful time with her partner, whether it’s having a simple conversation, enjoying a meal together, or just unwinding after a long day.
“I’m totally fine with him focusing on work since it brings in the money, but the lack of balance feels frustrating and it’s bothering me. Am I not good enough?” she asked. “Or is this a retrograde mercury thingy, that’s why things not working out.”
“No guy is too busy for his lady”
Many commenters in the discussion thread speculated that her partner may not be as invested in the relationship as she believes.
“You know when it comes to guys, actions speak louder than words. No guy is too busy for his lady. Like usually their lady is their priority, so no matter how busy their schedules are, they always find time. Like you will be his priority and it will be pretty obvious to you. If he doesn’t prioritise you, I’m sorry gurl, but yeah, he isn’t into you,” one comment read.
“If he calls his male friends brothers, spends a lot of time with them and needs to work hard, he is obviously going to KTV and various other night joints with them la,” another chimed in.
“I think you should have a straightforward conversation with him about your worries and your needs. Communicating is key. We as human beings are infinitely different from each other and oftentimes are blind to the needs of the people closest to us. So just talk.
“If he is for whatever reason still not giving you the time you want/need, I think it might be time to start rethinking this partnership because giving you that kind of basic attention is bare minimum,” a third added.
What should you do when your partner starts drifting away? Here’s what dating experts suggest
Pause and reflect. Before jumping to conclusions, take a moment to check in with your own feelings. It’s easy to feel hurt or frustrated when your partner doesn’t seem as eager to spend time together, but try to step back and assess the situation objectively. Ask yourself if he’s truly not putting in an effort or if your expectations might be a little high.
Try to understand why he’s pulling away. Are there any external factors that could be affecting his behaviour, like stress from work, personal issues, or even just a need for some alone time? Moreover, it’s important to understand that people naturally invest time in things that bring them happiness and fulfilment. If he’s choosing to hang out with his brothers or friends more often or diving into other activities, it might be a sign that something about the relationship isn’t making him happy.
Open up your concerns. Rather than bottling up your feelings or making assumptions, have an honest conversation with him. Let him know that you’ve noticed the change and that it’s been on your mind. Let him know that you’d love to spend more time together and ask how he’s feeling, but do so without making him feel pressured or guilty.
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