SINGAPORE: After years of supporting and spoiling his entire family in Malaysia, this 33-year-old man finally came to the painful realization that his efforts were never appreciated, and no one had ever truly thanked him.
On Wednesday (Jan 15), he took to Reddit’s ‘Ask Singapore’ forum to share his story. In his post, he recounted that everything began when he texted his two brothers to ask how much they usually give their parents during Chinese New Year.
To his surprise, he discovered that his older brother had never given any ang bao over the years, and his other brother had given even less than he did. This revelation led to a flood of realizations, as he reflected on the many other ways he had been contributing.
In addition to the ang baos for their parents, he also covered the costs of Chinese New Year cookies, drinks, and even his mother’s clothing.
“She happily bought about $300 during SG trip and yep I was willing to pay as long as she got the clothes she loved,” he said.
“I also want to add on that I give ang bao to both my brothers and my nieces, as well as my uncle who is single his whole life. They all receive RM100 each and I just do this due to respect and because I really want to do this. I don’t even care about the tradition where the singles do not give angpow.”
On top of covering the Chinese New Year costs, the man has been taking care of most of his family’s expenses ever since he started working in Singapore five years ago.
He said that since his father was usually unwilling to spend on the family, he felt like he had to step up and do what he could to provide. He made it a point to give them whatever they needed or wanted, as long as he could afford it, especially when it came to his mother.
He covered their household expenses, occasionally paid for their meals, bought his brother a phone worth a few hundred dollars, and even gifted his older brother a washing machine for his housewarming.
However, despite all his efforts and contributions, he felt that none of them truly appreciated him. What hurt him the most was his mother’s attitude, as she not only failed to acknowledge his sacrifices but also, on several occasions, undermined the value of what he did for the family.
He recounted an instance when he asked her if she remembered how much he gave her in ang bao the previous year, and she responded dismissively, saying “not much.”
“I gave RM300 on 2023 and though there is only a photo of the total cash before I insert in each packet, I can 90% tell and confirm I did give RM500 each to my parents [last year] as I never give anything with number 4,” he said.
He also recalled a painful moment when his mother commented that she felt embarrassed by the amount of his monthly allowance to her.
“She was embarrassed to tell an aunty about the monthly bank in amount that I give her when that aunty asked,” he said.
“There is hardly a thank you…All these things still linger in my head and I’m just sad. Yes, I do all these willingly and I do care for my fam.. but sometimes, I don’t know if I should slowly take back my kindness,” he continued.
The man said at the end of his post that he still loves and cares for family, and that he doesn’t necessarily think that “they’re bad.” He was just simply hurt by the fact that his contributions to the family were taken for granted.
He also posed a question to the community, writing, “Is kindness a weakness in today’s society?”
“Don’t let them walk all over you.”
The man’s post hit home for many Reddit users, who shared their own experiences of feeling unappreciated by their families.
One user commented, “I relate with you. My family thinks I am printing money too, no amount of money spent makes my mum happy and she is so materialistic, that I have given up trying.
Personally, I have a rule that I will only give gifts/ money, or spend on them if it truly makes me happy. If I feel the slightest bit exploited, I pull back and don’t bother already.”
A few also criticized his family for not acknowledging his efforts and urged him to prioritize his own well-being.
Another said, “You are older now gotta stand up for yourself no need to feel paiseh and live up to the expectations of others why not just live up to your own expectations instead? I felt second hand burnout reading your story, makes you feel like the family’s cash cow.”
As for his question about kindness, one user responded, “Kindness is not a weakness but you must also look at whether people are worth your kindness or not.
“Sounds like your family doesn’t really appreciate you, I don’t think you should be putting in so much effort when they’re never happy anyway. Also don’t spend so much time thinking about them and how they’re acting, I guarantee you they don’t spend any time thinking about how they’re treating you lol don’t let them walk all over you.”
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In other news, an ex-big 4 employee took to the NUSWhispers Facebook page on Monday (Jan 13) to share that her life spiralled downwards after she got fired from work.
In her post, she shared how her journey started, writing, “I graduated from a private uni and entered into accounting industry quite young into my youth (F, 20 y/o). Things were smooth, and I even landed a job in a Big 4 company after years of hard work.”
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)