My parents have cancer. How do I cope with my feelings of guilt and worry?

SINGAPORE: A woman took to Reddit to crowdsource advice since both her parents have cancer. Feeling all sorts of strong emotions, she asked other users on the platform for their best advice for coping with her situation.

On r/askSingapore on Tuesday (April 2), u/mochiitae wrote that her father was recently diagnosed with Peripheral T-cell lymphoma, and she appears to blame herself for not having noticed his symptoms earlier and only bringing him to the doctor to get medicine for fever.

The guilt was so bad that it made her cry daily, especially at the beginning. And while more recently she’s been doing better and is no longer crying so much, just last weekend, her mum also began showing symptoms.

“Fast forward today, my mum got back her blood test results and my biggest fear was pretty much confirmed. The doctor at the clinic advised us to check with a specialist asap as he suspects that she might have leukaemia or a form of lymphoma.

We are going to see the same specialist my dad has tomorrow but I can’t help imagining the worst,” she wrote, adding that she feels helpless, that her universe is falling apart and has, understandably, turned weepy again.

“I feel very scared and overwhelmed. Does anyone have any advice on how to manage?” she asked.

Many sympathetic Reddit users have responded to u/mochiitae’s post, with some who have gone through the same experiences even telling her to message them directly so that they can help her.

“My personal advice is to take baby steps at a time, focus on some of the short-term goals first… the completion of each session, ensure the patient eats well…

There are many scientific breakthroughs so far and there are actually many treatments for cancer nowadays.

It is okay to cry, please reach out to professionals if it’s too much. You can also PM me if you need a listening ear. Cancer sucks and I really hope you and your family can get through this together!!” wrote one kind commenter.

Many of the commenters urged her not to blame herself but to focus on spending time with her parents.

Some advised her to keep to their daily routines, as they found this to be helpful, and others encouraged her to make sure she doesn’t bottle her feelings in but is open with her friends.

In Singapore, there are support groups for people whose loved ones have been diagnosed with serious diseases; a list may be found here and here.

This site also lists online support groups and resources that can help. Supporting a loved one with cancer is never an easy situation, and it’s important that people in this situation know that they are not alone. /TISG

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