SINGAPORE – Out of concern for a friend whose marriage is on the rocks due to the demands of her in-laws, a Singapore Reddit user asked for “both men and women’s perspectives on in-law issues and whether it is expected of the man/woman to protect their spouse from their parents when boundaries are trespassed.”
The post owner, okcanlah, wrote in an Ask Singapore Reddit thread on Tuesday (Jan 3) that her friend told her “Their marriage started going downhill when her husband got tired of protecting her from his mean parents and she was always expected to make sacrifices on her end to cater to her in-laws’ endless demands and nagging.”
The parents-in-law reportedly made “passive aggressive remarks when she insist on not wanting a child” and asked the couple to come over on weekends and for the daughter-in-law to do chores even with her busy schedule.
“They constantly try to find fault in her despite being horrible in-laws themselves and get jealous when her husband sided with her initially. She tried to voice out and set boundaries but got guilt-trip about having no manners as a DIL. My heart really breaks for her,” she added.
“She should have chosen to end the relationship when she already knew that her partner’s parents are difficult people.”
Reddit users commenting on the thread underlined how important the husband’s behaviour and choices are in this scenario.
“Honestly, this is your friend’s husband’s battle to fight with his own parents. It shouldn’t be her versus her own husband. If the husband doesn’t want to mediate between them, in a way, he’s chosen to side with his own parents over her. It may sound harsh, but it will never work in that case,” one wrote.
Many other Reddit users were also quick to say that it is the husband’s responsibility to side with his wife and stand up to his parents.
“The marriage isn’t going poorly because of in-laws, it’s because of how the husband is dealing with the in-laws,” wrote another.
One opined, “Agreed. It’s the husband’s fault for not stepping up for his wife.”
“I do think spouses have some responsibilities to protect each other if their parents trespassed boundaries because if they dont, who will?” chimed in another.
One wrote, “Guys who are too filial probably not the best to marry.”
Another Reddit user called for a healthy separation between parents and their married children.
“I think a level of physical/mental/emotional separation from parents is a healthy mindset for couples to have after marriage. It is a natural step in growing up; just like when you reach a certain age, you stop taking a shower in front of your mom. This allows the couple space to learn more about each other and themselves without unnecessary interference and stress.”
One woman who went through what the post owner experienced wrote, “My husband protecting me definitely made the situation bearable and made me hold on to our marriage.”
/TISG