Disagreements are par for any relationship, and they can be over something small or a dealbreaker, like being unfaithful. However, after having a fight with your partner, there are things to avoid after an argument that you should consider.
Relationship coach Michal Braker talks about some common disagreement philosophies that one should always consider. Braker says that relationships that last a long time are usually the ones that know how to overcome arguments, disappointments and misunderstandings. He says the key to healing is to ask yourself this one question: ‘Do I want to win the fight, or do I want the war?’
He recommends some of these techniques to avoid exacerbating the situation:
Don’t disrespect your partner’s need for space
“A partner is truly healthy and collaborative when they are able to articulate his or her needs and express their [feelings] of needing space with transparency and honesty,” Braker says that the best way is to be mature and honour that space.
Don’t have an all-or-nothing attitude
Dr Megan Fleming, a clinical psychologist and therapist, advises people never to use terms such as ‘you always’ or ‘you never’ after a fight. Consider the other person’s point of view, as having this attitude will never solve an argument.
Don’t give them the cold shoulder
Don’t wait for the other person to reach out and go cold for days. Braker advises a couple who are in the same household to reach out to each other within 6 to 12 hours after an argument and 24 hours for couples who aren’t living together.
Don’t hold what was said in a fight against your partner
If they say something during a fight that bugs you, tell them. If words said during a fight annoy you, give yourself some breathing room instead of approaching them right away.
Don’t say you’re sorry if you don’t mean it and the other person is still hurting
Say you’re sorry authentically and explain what you’re talking about. Don’t make excuses for why you fought either. Don’t blame a bad day at work for taking things out on your partner. It isn’t fair.
Don’t ignore your partner’s need to rehash or resolve the argument until they are satisfied
“All too often, the reason why the rehash the argument is because they still need clarification and have lots of unanswered questions. So be open and understanding: allow them the change to feel heard,” says Coach Braker.
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