Woman shares retired parents keep footing her grocery bill — now she feels ‘awkward’ as they keep bringing it up

SINGAPORE: A woman recently opened up online about her complicated feelings after her retired parents began casually mentioning how much they’ve been spending on groceries for her household.

While they’ve repeatedly said they aren’t expecting repayment, the comments have left her feeling awkward and unsure how to respond.

In a post on r/askSingapore, she explained that money was always a major topic growing up. Her dad was extremely careful with spending. Every cent was tracked, and every expense was accounted for.

She and her siblings did well in school, so most of their education was funded through scholarships. Still, when one of them needed to borrow money from their dad, he made sure the amount was fully repaid once that sibling started working.

The woman also mentioned that her parents often reminded them how much it had cost to raise them.

“There was a lot of talk about how much it cost for our parents to bring us up, their sacrifice, etc.; typical Chinese filial piety brainwashing stuff, I suppose,” she said. “If my parents spent money on a bigger ticket item for us, they would talk about it a lot to ‘make us appreciate it.’ Especially my dad, maybe because he was very poor growing up and was not accustomed to spending.”

Fast forward to the present, and the financial dynamic has shifted. She is now a high-income earner, married with children. Her parents, although retired, are financially independent and no longer have to worry about money. They aren’t flashy spenders, but they live comfortably.

As part of helping out, her parents have been buying groceries for her and her husband around two to three times a month. While the amount spent isn’t small, she said that from her perspective, it didn’t seem like a huge deal, so she never felt the need to offer to pay them back.

However, recently, she noticed that her parents kept bringing this up. Not in a direct or confrontational way, and not as a request for money, but just as a passing comment about how much they had spent at the supermarket or how groceries are getting expensive.

While they were quick to say they weren’t expecting anything in return, the fact that it kept coming up made her feel slightly uncomfortable.

“I can’t help but feel rather awkward about this,” she wrote. “By the way, I treat them to meals often. I just don’t track how much I spend on them and, likewise, how much they spend on me. I have children now, and my parenting philosophy towards money is quite different from how I was brought up. I’m having very complex feelings about this situation.”

She ended her post by asking others how they would interpret this kind of situation.
“Can anyone help me unpack these feelings? Is there anyone who can explain my parents’ POV?” she wrote.

“Things are getting expensive outside, so you could start by offering to pay or getting your own groceries?”

The post quickly gained traction on the platform, and many users were not impressed with the woman’s attitude. Some felt it was pretty entitled of her to let her retired parents keep buying groceries without offering to pay, despite knowing how frugal they had been all their lives.

Others said it was strange that she understood her parents’ values so well, having grown up under their strict money management, yet didn’t think twice about letting them cover household expenses.

One user said, “Hmm… High-income earner, but comes here to complain about parents asking for money to buy groceries. Just get your own next time lah. NTUC (National Trades Union Congress) does delivery.”

Another told her, “Why do your parents buy groceries for you? LOL like they should be enjoying retirement, not be some part-time aminah, and if you ask them for help and they are willing, you can’t even pay for your own groceries for a family of 4 or more using your parents’ savings?

Treating meals is your own accord. It shouldn’t be a trade-off kind of thing, a.k.a. Because I treat them meals, they should buy groceries for me and use their own money.”

A third commented, “It’s not a big sum to you, but for how they’ve lived like 90% of their life, it is a big sum to them. Things are getting expensive outside, so you could start by offering to pay or getting your own groceries?”

In other news, a 20-year-old woman has alleged that her parents threatened to report her to the police for “theft” after she moved out with a phone and a laptop that they had previously purchased for her.

In a Reddit post published on Wednesday (July 2), the woman stated that she had recently left her family home and did not intend to return. She brought with her a phone and a laptop, which had either been gifted to her or bought for her by her parents when she was still residing with them. According to her, these items had long been treated as her personal belongings.

Read more: 20 yo woman says parents accused her of ‘theft’ after she moved out with gifted phone and laptop

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