Married Singaporean mother of two laments end of affair with 60-year-old man after he gets remarried

SINGAPORE: A confession posted on the SGWhispers page about a married Singaporean mother’s affair with a much older man has sparked attention online, with some readers urging her to leave her marriage, while others argued that troubled relationships should be repaired rather than abandoned.

The post involves “Kay,” a 40-year-old corporate professional and mother of two who claimed her relationship with her husband deteriorated following the birth of their second daughter three years ago. She said that communication between them had become limited to household and family matters, despite multiple attempts on her part to reconnect.

The woman wrote that whenever she tried to initiate conversations, her husband would brush her off, claiming tiredness. She also claimed she had made efforts to rekindle their relationship by improving her appearance and trying to be more attractive to him, to no avail.

Over time, Kay said she came to view her marriage primarily as a structure held together by their children, describing her husband mainly as a provider rather than a romantic partner. She added that intimacy between them had long disappeared and that even discussions about leaving the marriage had gone nowhere, as her husband insisted that he loved both her and their children and did not want the relationship to end.

Kay later found companionship elsewhere after striking up conversations with a 60-year-old widower through social media. The pair apparently discovered that they shared many common interests and viewpoinfts, leading to increasingly personal discussions.

Kay said she felt comfortable speaking with the man, whom she viewed as experienced and understanding. He, too, was said to be lonely following the death of his wife six years earlier.

Their online friendship eventually moved to WhatsApp, and the two began meeting in person. According to Kay, the relationship later became physical.

Despite finding fulfilment in the affair, Kay admitted she was plagued by guilt whenever she returned home. Her affair partner also struggled with similar feelings, viewing himself as a “home wrecker” and believing it was wrong for him to have become involved with a married woman.

The affair eventually came to an end after the widower found a new partner and remarried.

Reflecting on the outcome, the post said the older man had managed to move on and start a new chapter in his life, while Kay remained in the same situation, describing herself as “happy” with her children and her “dead” husband.

The confession prompted mixed reactions from readers.

One commenter argued that Kay should end her marriage rather than remain in a relationship that no longer fulfilled her emotional needs.

“Ask her to file for divorce as her husband no longer fulfils her,” the commenter wrote, “Leave any marriage that does not fulfil you. It is really doing yourself a disservice to stay in an unhappy marriage. Whether your husband agrees or not, just file for a divorce.”

Others took a different view, suggesting that marriages require ongoing effort and commitment, particularly during difficult periods.

One lengthy response compared marriage to a business partnership, arguing that people should not simply walk away when problems arise.

“Marriage is like doing a business transaction,” the commenter wrote, “Because even if you fail, you don’t give up trying. You keep trying. Even if you fail, you don’t give up on your goal or on your business partner.”

The commenter encouraged couples to communicate openly, spend time together away from their children and actively plan opportunities to reconnect, like arranging date nights, taking short getaways and seeking help from grandparents or helpers to create time alone as a couple.

“You cannot have proper couple time with kids around because the attention and focus are on them,” the commenter noted, adding that “life and fun don’t stop after having kids.”

The same reader also cautioned against idealising extramarital relationships, pointing out that affairs often appear more exciting because the individuals involved do not share the daily responsibilities and stresses of running a household together.

“The other person always seems more fun because both of you don’t share a home and don’t have kids together,” the commenter cautioned, “That’s why it always seems more fun in the beginning.”