SINGAPORE: Singaporeans are renowned worldwide for their strong work ethic, but for one woman, her husband’s dedication to his job has begun to strain their marriage.
In a confession on r/askSingapore, she shared, “I get really annoyed when my husband comes home from work and continues working on his laptop/phone. For context, he works in a company that operates 24/7.”
“This has been on-going for months, since he switched departments. I feel that this is affecting our relationship and he’s neglecting our marriage.”
The woman elaborated that her husband manages operations at a logistics company, spending a total of 9.5 hours away from home each day, including work hours and commute time.
However, even after returning at 8pm, he remains immersed in his work. She expressed that she wanted to spend more time with him, as her job frequently requires her to travel abroad, often keeping her away from Singapore for extended periods.
“He can’t even spend at least 1 hour with me without him looking at his phone. He’s always replying to work related text. This happens EVERY SINGLE DAY. It frustrates me,” she wrote.
“Whenever I get mad at him for not spending enough time with me after work, he says I’m not understanding. If I need to be understanding towards his work commitment after work hours, then who can be understanding towards my feelings?”
She got even more upset when she found out that he doesn’t actually have to entertain all work chats and that he has a choice in the matter.
“Earlier when I was getting annoyed, he actually told his boss in a friendly manner than I’m getting upset about this after work hour discussion and his boss was very understanding and said they should continue the discussion at work tomorrow,” she said.
“I want to know if this is a norm for most Singaporeans. Because for me, I don’t work 9-5 nor do I need to bring work home. Just want to know if I’m overreacting or is this really a norm.”
“In some industries, there is a silent expectation to be “on call” and reply to bosses’ questions asap.”
Responding promptly to her post, netizens from the logistics industry confirmed that working overtime is considered normal in their line of work.
One individual disclosed that their workday involves 9 hours in the office followed by an additional 1-2 hours dedicated to meetings with the US team during the night. He explained that the challenging market conditions (pending space, high rates, and container shortage) likely contribute to her husband’s late hours.
Another individual also mentioned that management staff in the logistics industry frequently attend night calls and respond to emails due to time zone differences. They often have to coordinate with overseas counterparts, which necessitates being available at odd hours.
A third individual commented, “In some industries, there is a silent expectation to be “on call” and reply to bosses’ questions asap. It is up to the individual to decide where to draw their boundaries.
Is your husband in a leadership position? Unfortunately the higher up the food chain, the more readily available they are expected to be.”
In addition, others urged the woman to see things from her husband’s perspective. They pointed out that he’s putting in long hours because he’s genuinely committed to building a secure future for both of them.
One netizen said, “Pretty sure most employees would not work past ‘working hours’ if given a choice. It is affecting your marriage life but do cut him some slack please.”
Another asked her, “Maybe, just maybe, he is trying to do his best and working hard to give both of you a better life?”
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