Singaporean man laments getting married, urges others to ‘stay single and peaceful’

SINGAPORE: An anonymous post circulating on the NUSWhispers Facebook page has struck a chord with readers online, after a man detailed his deep regret over getting married, describing years of isolation, emotional distress, and alleged abuse within his relationship.

In the post, the writer said he had no “safe place” to express his feelings openly, turning instead to anonymity to recount his experience. He described a gradual estrangement from his parents and siblings over the course of his marriage, claiming that disagreements were repeatedly used against him as evidence that he was “a bad son from a bad family.”

According to the post, he was told that his upbringing was flawed, that his mother was “evil” and that he himself was “fundamentally defective as a person.”

The man wrote that while he took responsibility and apologised for mistakes in the marriage, conflicts were never truly resolved. Instead, he alleged that he faced prolonged verbal reprimands, threats of divorce, and instances of physical harm.

“I was yelled at for days, threatened with divorce, and sometimes physically hurt — pinched, slapped, objects thrown at me in anger,” he wrote, adding that he was told each time that he “deserved it.”

He also described feeling unsafe even in public settings, claiming that minor actions such as looking in a certain direction or remaining silent could lead to accusations of disloyalty or immorality. Attempts to explain himself, he said, often escalated tensions further.

The situation, he added, has become more difficult since the couple had a child. While expressing love for his baby, the writer said he feels overwhelmed by caregiving responsibilities, claiming that “almost all” of the duties fall on him.

“Nights without sleep, days without rest, work performance suffering,” he wrote, adding that requests for help were dismissed with the assertion that he “must carry everything alone.”

The cumulative strain, he said, has taken a toll on both his career and mental health.

“My career has stalled. My mental health is broken. I feel like I’ve disappeared as a person,” he wrote.

The post concludes with a cautionary message, urging others to carefully consider the realities of marriage and to protect their personal boundaries.

“I’m not writing this to say all marriages are bad,” he said. “I’m writing this for anyone who feels pressured into marriage without truly knowing what life can become.”

“Staying single and peaceful is better than being married and slowly erased.”

Netizens reacting to the man’s post advised him to seek help, as what he described appeared to be outright abuse as opposed to the realities of being in a difficult marriage. Some urged him to go for a divorce, while others hoped he would reach out to his loved ones and friends for help.

Read his post in full here.