SINGAPORE: A man from Singapore who suffered at the hands of his abusive mother recently opened up to his father, with whom he also did not have the best relationship growing up but who has since changed for the better.
When he recently tried to tell his dad about the trauma from his childhood, his father was sympathetic and the man wrote he felt that his concerns had been heard.
In a Sept 5 (Thursday) post on r/askSingapore, u/Budget-Bike-232, he asked, however, if he had been wrong to have opened up to his father in the first place as well as what he can do now.
The post author explained that when he was young, his father used to get drunk and vent out his rage at him when his mother would tell him about the post author’s “misbehavior,” which caused him a lot of fear and anxiety.
Since then, however, his dad has changed and has been doing his best to be a good father.
His mother, however, is a “toxic woman” who used to physically and verbally abuse him, which haunts him to this day. She used to call him useless and tell him their lives would have been better if they did not have children.
To make matters worse, they had a female cousin who lived with them whom his mum treated better.
At present, when he does things that displease his mum, she texts his father, who in turn texts him about it, but out of concern,
“When I see a text like this, I automatically know it’s triggered by my mom saying something about me. It brings me back to the past when I’d expect the drunken rage and shouting at me late at night. Invariably when I receive such texts, although I know the intentions are good, I cannot help but feel anxious and also angry,” he wrote.
He finally told his father about it, and his father heard him out.
However, he also felt that his father’s response “undermines the emotional turmoil that people with trauma feel – it is not as simple as wanting to snap out of it.”
Writing that he’s unsure of what to do next and asked if anyone would care to share their perspectives.
It seems that u/Budget-Bike-232 is not alone in dealing with this sort of trauma, and several Reddit users were able to empathize with his situation.
One very important advice several gave is for him to get therapy to help him deal with his past experiences, especially since one’s parents are not always able to provide necessary emotional support or facilitate the healing that their children need.
A commenter pointed out that particularly those from older generations “tend to say things like ‘He/she is your mother/father’ as if that justifies all the hurt that’s been inflicted.”
Others commended the post author for sharing his story and opening up to his father about how he really feels, as this could be a good step toward healing. /TISG