SINGAPORE: A young woman recently shared on social media the response she received from her grandparents after confiding in them about being stalked.
“I told my grandparents I was being stalked by a guy because I live with them, and my grandfather immediately said in Chinese: Next time, don’t wear so revealing (clothes),” she wrote on r/SingaporeRaw.
This response deeply hurt and disappointed her, as it seemed to imply that her choice of clothing somehow invited the stalking, a notion she vehemently disagreed with.
She clarified that during all the instances of being stalked and harassed, she was actually dressed in an oversized t-shirt and shorts.
Moreover, she has also received other disheartening comments like “It must be because of your tattoos” and “Don’t be so attracting when you go out.”
They also belittled the seriousness of the situation when they told her, “Aiya is just stalking only” and “Report police also useless.”
“Now I feel like I don’t even wanna go to the police because my grandfather will say I make it a big deal,” she said. “I just felt so frustrated and I regretted telling them. Why are the older generation like this?”
“I think you should make that report.”
In the comments section, one Singaporean explained that elderly individuals in their 70s and 80s often have a straightforward attitude and ‘will say it as they see it.’
They also aren’t bothered about being politically correct nor are they concerned about filtering or sugarcoating their opinions, which is why her grandparents made such hurtful remarks.
He added, “Now younger folks may be more polite and sweet and say all the nice things.. but are you sure they are not lying to you and just agreeing with everything you say to be “nice”?”
Another Singaporean agreed with this perspective and attributed it to neurobiology. They referenced a study titled “Aging, Inhibition, and Social Inappropriateness” from 2005, which suggested that older people may struggle with filtering their thoughts due to changes in brain function.
He explained, “They may want to say the polite things but sumpah swear to god they cannot because they lost that part of the brain.”
On the other hand, a third individual advised the young woman that if her family cannot be trusted with such sensitive information, or if they are unhelpful and continue to blame her, it may be best to stop sharing with them and report the incidents directly to the authorities
She said, “I think you should make that report. Maybe the police will do nothing this time, but if it escalates in the future, you will already have a previous incident on record to support your case and show a pattern.”
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