SINGAPORE: A man took to social media to share that his mum was unhappy after telling her he’d only give her 10% of his salary.
“I just started working, salary 4k before cpf. Not living with them since 2 years back. I wanted to give allowance, so I told my mum I would like to give her 10%, thinking that she will be happy you know, that I still thought of her. But then she was like, not happy, and said “only ah”… which is kind of a downer tbh,” the man wrote on NUSWhispers page on Sunday (March 31).
After this incident, the man shared that his mum started forwarding him online discussions about children giving 20% or more of their income to their parents, accompanied by quotes emphasizing the ‘sacrifices mothers make and the priceless nature of a mother’s love.’
He explained that she would send these discussions with a casual note like “just sending for you to see, nothing much.”
However, whenever he tried to engage in the conversation by mentioning his contributions, she would become upset, stating that she didn’t ask for his replies and just wanted him to read without responding.
“For context, I have not taken a single cent of allowance since JC, even from part time jobs I earned through school, also have been giving her allowance here and there. Uni was totally self funded.”
Moreover, his mum also mentioned that she gave her own parents much more than 10% in the past.
However, he argued that living expenses like housing and food were significantly cheaper during her time. He said, “She is the perfect child and most filial, but I’m the stingy one.”
His mum’s constant comparisons and the pressure to increase his contributions while navigating his own financial challenges left the man feeling conflicted.
“Am I gaslighted or 10% really too little?? Right now I’m giving 10% each, total 20% already, I feel quite reasonable tbh. I also have my life to build man. And I earn money, ofc I will save but can’t I also spend some for my enjoyment??
What’s the point of hogging money to the grave?”
“Give what you feel comfortable with”
In the comments section, numerous individuals empathized with the man’s situation and offered their support.
They said that he shouldn’t feel any guilt and prioritize his own financial well-being by giving only what he can afford and disregarding any unrealistic expectations or pressures from his mother.
They stated that this approach would enable him to manage his monthly expenses effectively and set aside savings for his future needs and aspirations.
“Give what you feel comfortable with,” one individual said.
“Ignore those messages and continue with your 10% contributions. You need to save for your future too, like BTO or wedding,” said another.
Others also criticized parents who made such impractical demands on their children and treated them as investments.
“Treating her own child like a form of investment for their retirement is so wrong. If dw 10% then dw lo. Even bank don’t give 10%,” one individual commented.
Some even argued that he did not need to give them money because he had only recently started working and that most people at that point would save the money in the first few years for rainy days.
Instead of giving his parents a regular allowance, they proposed an alternative. They suggested that he spend quality time with them once a month by taking them out for activities or meals.
On the flip side, some advised him to consider fulfilling his mother’s requests, believing she likely had his best interests in mind.
One of them shared, “I knew of a friend whose mum made him to give more than 10%.
He thought the mum was money minded and misunderstood her until one day that his mum was no longer around and realised his mum had been saving up all these money that he had given in a joint account with his name, for him.”
Read also: Man says his mum “will either grumble or kick up a fuss” if he doesn’t share his NS pay with her