SINGAPORE: A woman took to Reddit with her fears that turning 30 soon would mean she’d become a “leftover woman.” She also wondered if men might have the same kind of worries.
“I’m a single woman fast approaching the big 30 and I am acutely aware of 1. How time is flying by, 2. How I’m having fewer and fewer friends as I age, also translating to fewer social gatherings, 3. How my looks and weight may worsen as time goes by.”
And while she’s not actively looking to be in a relationship because she wants to concentrate on her career and ageing loved ones, “the sheer thought of me being unattractive/unwanted at a later age gives me a lot of anxiety. It’s always at the back of my mind and I have a big fear of being left behind / losing my attractiveness or appeal as time passes.”
She acknowledged, however, that the fear likely comes from “some unhealthy belief ingrained by society,” and added that she hopes it’s an unwarranted fear.
“Please note that by no means do I actually think women should be called leftover women. I just used that phrase as it is an actual phrase used in China and it has been in the news for some time, so it’s easier to convey what message I want to say!” she added.
“Leftover woman”, or sheng nu, is a disparaging term that compares unmarried women from their late 20s and onward to leftover food.
While the post author has since removed her post, it has since generated over 300 responses since it was published on r/singapore on Apr 23.
A single woman in her 40s addressed the post author’s concerns and then added, “My fear is not of being a leftover woman. It is that I will always have an empty inner world, and end up always trying to meet society’s impossible expectations and trying to out-young, out-slim the next generation. Despite having a spiritual practice, I am now quite often still that person who sometimes seek praises that I look 20 years younger than I am, and often not feel peace, acceptance, and real friendship for the next stranger I meet. I think that would be my most pathetic outcome and reality at my end of life, and I’m trying to work on my mind so that I will not always be like this. LOL who cares whether I have zero husband or five…”
Another chimed in, “I married at 28 divorce at 32. not better actually. haha.”
One woman took a more practical turn and wrote, “The anxiety comes from society/ parents. Once I realised this, I come to the conclusion that being single is not that bad. Other than the fact that I cant BTO until I am 35).”
“Just take your time to find the right person for yourself,” advised another single woman who’s older than the post author.
Another woman summed up others’ thoughts when she wrote, “Better to be a leftover person, than to live a life time of regrets.”
/TISG
Netizen asks if Singaporeans are unhappy with being single ‘because of societal pressure’