SINGAPORE: A woman’s world came crashing down after discovering that her partner of 14 years, a man her family had personally supported and welcomed into their fold, had cheated on her.
Sharing her story on r/sgdatingscene, a Reddit forum, on Friday (Dec 20), the woman, 29, wrote that “she never saw” this betrayal coming. They had already gotten engaged and were preparing for their future together, with everything seemingly falling into place.
Her father had even gone so far as to practically hand over the family business to her partner, as she had no interest in taking it over herself.
“He ORD-ed from NS and had no aspirations on what to pursue. Hence, my dad offered him a job here in hopes that he has someone to pass his legacy to,” she said.
In addition, they had already paid for the down payment on their house, adopted a dog together, and her family had even covered the cost of his car. All of this, however, was thrown out the window when she found out about the infidelity.
“It seemed like he wasn’t interested in me anymore and simply wanted to hang out with friends. For the first time in my 14 years, I decided to check his phone while he was asleep,” she wrote.
The woman said she found numerous messages between him and his friends, discussing plans to go to KTV and look for girls.
“I confronted him, and he gaslighted me and did not admit to anything,” she said. “I knew I should’ve left there and then, but I deceived myself because I loved him so much, and I wanted him to go back to the person he was before,” she added.
Believing her partner could change, she chose to give him another chance. He assured her to do better and keep her updated on his whereabouts.
Unfortunately, things didn’t improve. “He would be annoyed whenever I asked for assurance when I had anxiety attacks, he would still be able to leave me and go out with his friends. Eventually, I caught evidence of him cheating, and we broke up,” she said.
The woman expressed that she now feels lost and that her dreams of having a family and children someday have vanished.
“My social circle is small, and my friends are mostly married or with kids. I feel so lonely, and I’ve lost all self-confidence in myself. I feel like I’ll never trust another man ever again,” she wrote.
She then sought advice from the Reddit community, asking, “What do I do? I’ve never been truly alone and don’t even have experience dating. Not to mention, I don’t have many friends. My life revolved around him.”
“You dodged a bullet; he doesn’t deserve you and your supportive family…”
In the comments section, many Reddit users reassured her that she had made the right decision to end the relationship.
One user wrote, “Sis, you dodged a bullet; he doesn’t deserve you and your supportive family. Because of the time committed, memories and remnant emotions you have with that thing, it’s normal to be distraught. And the most clichéd thing is true… give it time.”
Other users encouraged her to stop comparing herself to others and focus on herself. One user added, “Take your time to process your feelings. It’s not the end of the world. It could have been worse. Your dreams are not over, and you can get new ones.”
A few also said it was much better to discover her partner’s true colours before their marriage.
One user asked her, “Would you rather have learnt this in your mid-40s, have two kids and turn into a single mom or stay in an estranged marriage as you have no power to leave? You, my friend, have saved yourself decades of pain and dodged a nuclear bomb.”
What to do if you’ve lost yourself in a relationship
Mark Manson, a three-time #1 New York Times bestselling author, suggests four steps to help you heal and regain yourself after a relationship ends:
Build your support system: After a breakup, it’s important to surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you. Reconnect with family and friends who add value to your life.
The people around you can help fill the emptiness left by the relationship and remind you that your life still has meaning beyond the person you were with.
Be objective: It’s natural to idealize your past relationship and focus only on the good memories, especially right after it ends. However, Mark Manson stresses the importance of being honest with yourself about the reality of the relationship.
Prioritize yourself: Use this as an opportunity to figure out who you are, what you like, and what you want from life and relationships. Don’t rush into a new relationship just to fill the gap.
Figure out what you really need: Take some time to reflect on what you actually need in a relationship and, more importantly, what you don’t need. By understanding your true needs, you’ll be better positioned to make healthier choices moving forward.
Read also: Housewife grapples with whether to divorce cheating husband as they have a new baby together
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