SINGAPORE: A woman recently shared her frustrations on social media, revealing that she feels hurt and uncertain because the man she’s been dating exclusively for six months has yet to make their relationship official and remains in contact with other women.
In a lengthy post on Reddit’s “Ask Singapore” forum, she explained that while they’ve been seeing each other for half a year and have even met each other’s families, he hasn’t fully committed.
She recounted that he previously told her his past girlfriend had full access to his phone and accounts, though she never actually checked them.
“This implies full disclosure, right? I don’t have access to his phone or other accounts but maybe this is because we’re not officially together,” she said.
She went on to describe a recent argument that left her feeling particularly unsettled. Before a family trip to Taiwan, the man reached out to a mutual female friend for a weather update due to a typhoon. Concerned, she asked if he was planning to meet the woman during his trip, as she had recently returned to Taiwan.
“He said they never made plans to meet, while telling me we were incompatible and could only be friends. This was last week and we haven’t spoken since,” she wrote. “They didn’t meet since I stalked her Instagram and she was with her family the whole time.”
She also said that this wasn’t the first time they had clashed over his female friends. She described two other times when she felt a bit uncomfortable about his relationships with certain girls.
Both times, he responded that “he wasn’t interested in them” and suggested that her questions were crossing a line.
“He felt I was overstepping my bounds and possibly not entitled to full disclosure since we were not together yet. Up till now we were exclusive; the bottleneck to being official is on his side since he has some family issues to settle,” she explained.
She then asked the community for advice, writing, “Just want to ask around if pre-official dating norms entail not being able to question thoroughly your partner about their friendships with the opposite gender due to the yet-to-be-conferred accountability and full disclosure that one can expect from an official partner and the entitlements that come with it.”
“I don’t think he owes you any loyalty unless you guys agreed to be committed to one another.”
In the comments section, Singaporean Redditors shared mixed opinions on her situation. Some sympathized, saying that her desire for clarity and transparency was understandable given their exclusive dating arrangement, even if they weren’t officially together.
One Redditor said, “I personally am able to observe my boundaries with the opposite gender; I can’t speak for others. But also, I’d understand that I would have to provide a sense of safety to my partner, as my partner does for me.
“Though he’s right about you overstepping, etc, since y’all are not official. But I’d be very worried about the way he is dismissive/shutting you down; you wouldn’t want this going forward anyway.”
Others, however, suggested that she might be putting too much pressure on the relationship before it’s been formally defined.
They noted that pre-official dating often comes with looser boundaries and that asking for full access or frequent updates on friendships could come off as invasive, especially if he’s still sorting out personal issues.
One Redditor asked, “Now why would you date someone for 6 months without any labels or commitment? I don’t think he owes you any loyalty unless you guys agreed to be committed to one another. You should end it, it’s kinda obvious he’s not that into you.”
Another commented, “Not official, case closed. He is not wrong to meet others since he is still single. Only you defined as exclusive but he did not.”
What does it mean if, after six months, the man still hasn’t made the relationship official?
According to Bolde, a website offering dating and relationship advice for millennial and Gen Z women, if you’ve been dating for six months and the man hasn’t made things official, it’s possible that your expectations haven’t been clearly communicated.
You two might not be on the same page. You might be envisioning a long-term partnership, while he might be seeing this as a casual arrangement. It’s also possible that he’s not that into you and is still exploring other options. He could be treating you as a placeholder while waiting for the woman he wants to pursue.
If he’s also told you that he can’t commit at the moment, experts suggest taking his word for it. You may have held onto the hope that he’d come around with time, but if nothing has changed after six months, it might be time to accept what he’s been saying. The lack of commitment likely isn’t a mystery—he’s already given you his answer.
How can you tell if a man wants to be in a relationship with you?
A man likely wants to have a relationship with you if he demonstrates these key behaviours:
He talks about a future with you. This could be anything from mentioning a vacation you could take together to casually discussing life goals and how you might fit into them.
He’s always there for you when you need him. Whether it’s a shoulder to cry on during a tough time, help with a problem, or simply a listening ear, he consistently makes himself available to support you.
He meets you halfway whenever you two have disagreements. Relationships are about compromise, and a man who is truly invested in you will be willing to meet you halfway when you disagree. He’ll listen to your perspective, try to understand your point of view, and work towards a solution that works for both of you.
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