SINGAPORE: A 30-year-old woman from a minority group revealed on social media that she has faced discrimination and ‘downright bullying’ from her peers over the years.
“Hi, I would like to ask for advice on how I can handle discrimination—to be more specific, how do I handle it from a first person point of view? Disclaimer, I am not here to complain about others or what they did; I am just here to ask how I handle the situation,” the woman wrote on NUSWhispers Facebook Page.
The woman claimed that when she tried to defend herself, her classmates despised her even more, with some ceasing to interact with her and others expressing their anger in subtle ways.
“The part about standing up for myself only works if the other person actually cares about me. A lot of times, people don’t actually care about me,” she wrote.
She also said that she’s had friendship breakups over the years because of this and that they never got fixed. Fearing that her circle of friends would get even smaller, she simply tolerated their behaviour.
“I do feel quite lonely already, as other than my colleagues, I rarely meet up with my friends, who are already low in number. Even though they don’t perceive me that well, at least I get to hang out with them,” the woman sadly admitted.
She has also made an effort to make new friends through her interests and hobbies, but she claimed these relationships weren’t as solid as those she had in school.
The woman added that after undergoing discrimination for more than 20 years, she had subconsciously come to believe the same thing about herself.
She has also attempted to remedy this by convincing herself that she is normal and that nothing is wrong with her, but she says that this is ineffective when she has to undergo the same kind of harsh treatment the very next day.
“No need to seek validation from other people. Believe that you are enough”
In the comments section, many advised the woman to focus on self-love.
One individual said, “Start loving yourself, love what you are doing, and make sure that whatever you do will benefit you, your family, and everyone around you.
Appreciate yourself more by focusing on what you can control in your life. Keep learning new things, and level up your life, be more useful than you are now, and I’m hoping that one day you will find a better place where your worth is appreciated.”
While another commented, “Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. No need to seek validation from other people. Believe that you are enough. Strengthen your inner core.”
Meanwhile, one individual sympathized with the woman, saying, “Singapore needs to level up and truly look beyond skin color, and people are not like them (majority).
Discrimination is everywhere, and people are too judgemental. We are not really a first world nation.”
Some also said she shouldn’t give other people so much power over her happiness.
“Do you think you have this power on them if you insult them? They probably think you are nuts and just whack you back or ignore you. So don’t drive yourself into a dead end and be miserable,” said another.
Ways to deal with discrimination
The American Physiological Association (APA) has recommended six healthy strategies for dealing with discrimination:
Focus on your best qualities. You should begin by asking yourself, “What are my core values? My beliefs? My strengths?” Once you have identified them, focus on them rather than what others say about you.
Rely on your loved ones. One of the challenges of discrimination is that people tend to internalize other people’s negative opinions, even if they’re wrong.
You may begin to believe you are not good enough, but family and friends can help you remember that you are valuable. Be open to them, and communicate your problems to them.
Join organizations. Support doesn’t have to come solely from people in your family or circle of friends; you can join like-minded groups and organizations locally or online.
Connecting with others who have gone through similar experiences can be comforting and helpful in generating new ideas for dealing with discrimination-related situations.
Control your reactions. Being targeted for discrimination can trigger intense feelings of rage, sadness, and shame. But before you react, slow your breathing or do other relaxation techniques to reduce your stress response. After that, you’ll better understand how you want to react.
Don’t dwell on it. When you experience discrimination, it’s not easy to move past it. People tend to dwell on discrimination episodes for a long time, partly because they don’t know how to deal with them. However, try to avoid obsessing over these occurrences and find other things to occupy your time.
Get professional help. Discrimination is often linked to depression symptoms and can be hard to manage. In these cases, it may be beneficial to seek professional help, as psychologists can assist you in developing good coping skills and managing depression symptoms.
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