‘You ask me out, then say up to me?’: SG woman calls out men who leave date planning to her

SINGAPORE: A Singaporean woman is calling out a dating habit that has been driving her up the wall. She says men keep asking her out, only to immediately make her decide where to go, leaving her to plan a date she did not even initiate.

Taking to an online forum, she shared that this has become a recurring pattern in her dating life this year, with almost every invitation followed by the same question.

“Almost every single time the guy asks me out and then immediately follows up with, ‘So where do you want to go?’ or ‘Up to you.’”

“Like bro. YOU asked ME out. I am not the event planner here.”

She also stressed that her expectations are not sky-high. She is not demanding a fancy restaurant, a detailed itinerary, or some over-the-top romantic setup. In fact, she said she would be perfectly happy with something as simple as grabbing coffee.

Unfortunately, all her dates have disappointed her with the lack of planning. 

“My friend said I should just take charge and plan it myself, and okay, fair, but also… is it really that hard to just have ONE idea?” she wrote. “The bar is on the floor, and somehow it still feels like a lot to ask?”

Wanting to know if this is now the norm, she asked others in Singapore whether men still plan dates or if this “up to you” approach has become standard.

She added, “Singapore girls, am I alone in this, or is this just the dating scene here?”

“Dating isn’t kind to men.”

In the comments, many criticised the woman for complaining about a seemingly harmless question.

One male user fired back, stating, “Well, to us, it isn’t about the venue or the activity. It is about spending time with you, but we have also learnt that we are judged by the venue and activity. It isn’t about what we say or do; it is about what you feel about what we say or do. So why not cut to the chase? ‘Up to you.’ Because to us, we just want to be with you.”

He added, “Truth is, we are not judged by the effort; we are judged by the outcome. Dating isn’t kind to men. It is something we have to accept if we want to stay in the game, and part of us accepted that the ladies will not understand.”

Another vented about the unspoken expectations that women have, writing, “Yeah, we do, but we’re not here to audition or take an exam to pass your so-called test. Don’t like the place? Say it. Got a preference? Say it. Got cravings? Say it. Otherwise, when we plan everything, and all you do is complain, we figure out why you’re still single.”

A third user, who’s a 29-year-old woman, said, “I don’t see the problem here. He’s asking for your input; why not give him a few places, and he can make reservations after that?”

A fourth shared that he used to plan dates, but he stopped when the girls he dated either didn’t appreciate the places he took them to or ghosted him, so now, he said, “he doesn’t bother anymore.”

A fifth, meanwhile, gave the woman an idea of how to plan dates next time. They shared, “My partner and I have a thing where we each take turns planning a date every month, so expectations are kind of met. I just recycled these 3 ideas: beach / stargaze / rooftop bars. Nobody would complain.”

In other news, a Singaporean has opened up online about feeling completely drained and anxious after his company went through a round of layoffs just a few months ago and is now reportedly gearing up for another, while also “selecting people” for performance improvement plans.

“My company (MNC) had the first round of layoffs months ago. Then got news about the second wave of layoffs in Q3. Everyone is super low-motivated. Some people start to play politics. Some people start to lie flat,” he wrote in a post on the r/singaporejobs forum.

Read more: ‘I am tired, boss’: Singapore employee worn down by layoffs, rising workload and PIP threat