SINGAPORE: When it comes to filial piety, one 27-year-old woman may have taken “being a good daughter” a little too far, and the internet is urging her to stop before she runs herself dry.
Posting on the r/askSingapore subreddit on Monday (Oct 2), the woman shared that she gives her mother S$800 every month out of her S$2,200 salary. On top of that, she contributes another S$500 to the monthly home mortgage, which she shares with her brother, and still has to cover all her daily living expenses.
With such heavy financial commitments, she admitted that she’s barely left with anything at the end of the month.
“I’m basically living paycheck to paycheck with no savings. My job doesn’t come with any bonuses or extra pay, and I’ve never even travelled before because I can’t afford to,” she continued. “Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in a loop, literally working just to survive each month without moving forward.”
Providing more context, the woman opened up about why she feels such a strong need to give her mother a big portion of her pay.
She shared that her dad passed away when she was just 14, and after his death, her mother became the family’s sole breadwinner.
For two years, her mother worked long hours to keep everything together before falling ill and eventually becoming a full-time housewife. Since then, the woman has felt it was her turn to take care of the person who once carried the family on her back.
She said that plenty of people have already told her she’s giving her mum way too much, but she can’t bring herself to cut back. For her, the allowance isn’t just money, it’s a symbol of gratitude and love, a way to honour her late father’s memory and recognise her mother’s sacrifices.
“As someone who never got the chance to give back to my late father, I just feel the need to give her that amount,” she said. “I’m always afraid that one day she’ll pass away, knowing that I could’ve done more for her. Not going to lie, I feel like people can never understand this unless you went through grief at a young age.”
Still, she knows her current situation can’t go on forever. Wanting to continue supporting her mum while also improving her finances, she turned to the online community for advice.
“Does anyone have advice or tips for someone like me to finally build financial stability or break out of this cycle? I know 27 might seem late to start thinking seriously about money, but I want to change that before it’s too late”
“If you’re giving that much only because of ‘filial piety,’ then stop.”
Netizens, while touched by her filial heart, couldn’t help but urge her to stop before she ends up broke and burnt out.
One commenter told her that she was “giving way too much” to her mum. “It may be driven by filial piety, but you are just hurting your own future. You don’t have enough to invest or have a little fun money.”
Another pointed out that if she insists on giving her mother S$800 every month, then she shouldn’t be surprised about “living paycheck to paycheck.”
“I’m not denying you from being filial, but you should be able to look after yourself first before taking care of others,” they continued. “And money shouldn’t be the only way to represent us being filial, there’s many (other) ways to do it.”
A third commented, “It is absolutely ridiculous that you are giving your mum S$800. If your mum owns the house you’re living in or is paying the mortgage/rent, then ok, reasonable to give S$800.”
“But you and your brother are paying the mortgage! Your mum gets a roof over her head for free, so you give her so much for what?”
A fourth wrote, “Does mum need that much money? Is she the one buying all the groceries, paying utilities, etc? If you’re giving that much only because of ‘filial piety,’ then stop. Reduce to a more reasonable amount that she can live on, but not so much that she has extra.”
Meanwhile, others suggested that if she really wants to keep up this arrangement, she might have to start looking for a “higher-paying job” or take on “some side gigs during her free time” to make it more sustainable in the long run.
Another commenter also advised her to start tracking her spending more carefully.
They said, “At the very least, plan your monthly expenses, use excel sheet or something, look for things you can cut back on and try to be frugal but also reward yourself tiny treats maybe every weekend or something. I would also suggest practising a yearly planned hard spending cap (after necessities).”
In other news, a desktop engineer recently shared on social media that his team lead told him, in a rather threatening tone, that he should just “turn in his resignation letter if he wasn’t happy being at work”.
In a post on the r/asksg forum on Wednesday (Oct 29), he explained that the confrontation took place after his team lead found out he had reached out to someone higher up in the company for help.
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