‘The best revenge is living well’—Redditor asks for advice on starting over after leaving an extremely toxic job

SINGAPORE: Leaving a toxic workplace often comes with two very different emotions. First, relief — the kind that feels like finally being able to breathe again. Then, weeks later, the anger creeps in. The replaying of old conversations. The late-night thoughts of what should have been said. The quiet rage over how badly things ended.

That was the emotional whiplash one Redditor described after walking away from an extremely toxic job.

They shared that they initially felt liberated after resigning, but not long after, they found themselves stuck in a loop of reliving the past, cursing their former bosses for what they had been put through, and struggling to fully move on.

When a job you loved turns into something painful

The Redditor’s story began on a hopeful note. They had interned at a non-profit and loved the work deeply, especially the cause and the volunteers they worked with. After graduating, they returned as a full-time employee because their original boss had been supportive and inspiring.

Everything changed when that boss left.

In their place came two new managers who were long-time friends from previous companies. What followed, over the next two years, was a steady breakdown of the work environment. Five colleagues resigned. Even an intern requested a transfer. The Redditor was also asked to leave, but personal circumstances made it impossible at the time.

The situation slowly took a toll. They eventually sought help from a psychotherapist and were prescribed antidepressants. A request for an internal transfer was dismissed, and instead, they were gaslighted into staying because management was scrambling to replace staff who had already left.

There were brief periods where things seemed calmer, only for the same behaviour to return.

A forced exit that left deep scars

When the Redditor finally decided to resign, the process itself became another traumatic experience.

They said they were coerced into typing, signing, and submitting their resignation letter immediately because their managers claimed they would be “very busy” the following month. They were accused of not being a team player, despite having more than 200 hours of time off accumulated.

At one point, a manager allegedly tried to manipulate their timesheet to get them to work on a day off. The Redditor confronted this directly and managed to stop it.

The final memory that stayed with them was a manager shouting that they had a “bloody attitude” before slamming a door — all over a misunderstanding involving the manager’s close colleague. The manager did not even show up for the handover.

What hurt the most, the Redditor shared, was not just how it ended, but that they had to leave a cause they truly believed in, and the volunteers who had been the best part of their work life. There was no humility or care shown toward staff, only damage left behind.

Now, they are trying to figure out how to start over — and how to let go.

“The best revenge is living well”

Many Redditors responded with empathy, recognising the familiar pain of surviving toxic leadership.

“The best revenge is living well,” one netizen wrote. “Focus on better things and forget these people existed.”

Another suggested a more practical approach: “Take a vacation and get so busy they stop living rent-free in your head. By the end of it, you’ll forget they ever existed.”

Some shared their own experiences with long-lasting trauma. “The PTSD will take years to recover from. Toxic bosses are the worst,” one commenter said, describing how blame-shifting and witch hunts push good people out while others keep their heads down just to survive.

Others reassured the Redditor that they were not alone. “I found myself feeling this recently, too. Started a new role and wondering what people think of me,” one person shared. “You’re not alone.”

Another comment reframed the anger as a sign of unresolved hurt. “Replaying the past usually comes from pent-up resentment. Recognise the red flags earlier next time — mass resignations, managers hiring based on connections — and draw firmer boundaries.”

For readers trying to heal and start over

Stories like this resonate because many people have lived through something similar, even if they rarely talk about it. Toxic workplaces don’t just end when you leave — they linger in your thoughts, confidence, and sense of self.

For anyone going through this, know that healing takes time, and there is no shame in needing help. Therapy, rest, and distance are not signs of weakness, but tools for recovery. It is also okay to grieve not just the job, but the version of yourself that once cared deeply and tried to make things work.

Moving forward does not mean pretending nothing happened. It means learning to spot red flags sooner, trusting your instincts, and protecting your boundaries more fiercely. And most importantly, it means giving yourself permission to rebuild on your own terms.

Read also: Redditor shares MRT escalator clash with elderly man, sparks debate on public etiquette and conflict handling