SINGAPORE: Parenting is no walk in the park, which is why more of us are starting to ask ourselves why we want a child. Is it because we’re ready to nurture a new life, or is it just due to societal pressure or fear of being alone when we grow old?
A Singaporean recently spoke up about this issue online, arguing that people should never have children simply because they want someone to care for them when they get older.
“That should never be the purpose. They did not choose to be born to carry this burden,” the Singaporean wrote on the NUSWhispers Facebook page on Tuesday (Dec 10).
“If you want kids, plan your own retirement so they can have their own independent lives. That will be a parent’s best gift to their child.”
The Singaporean also mentioned that people should consider whether they have the financial means to have a kid since providing for them will be their main responsibility. However, they stressed that this shouldn’t be a dealbreaker.
They pointed out that in tough times, parents often find ways to earn or make do in ways they never imagined, like the Yakult Aunty, who worked three jobs after her spouse passed away from cancer to make ends meet.
“I am of the view that one should only have children if you love them with all your heart, want to experience parenting, and are willing to part with your time and money to experience joy; no money can buy,” they said.
“If you love children, want children, then have them within your means; otherwise, do not. There is no point in having children and then regret. (There’s no room for regret).”
“Times are different already…”
In the comments section, netizens agreed that kids should never be saddled with unfair expectations or heavy responsibilities, like taking care of their parents in their old age.
One netizen said, “This idea came when old people were farmers and having many children was their way of ensuring the farm has enough hands to be well taken care of.
Times are different already. It would be a great thing if children could take care of their elderly parents (from a financial angle). Be glad that they don’t create problems.”
Another netizen shared a story about an ex-colleague who struggled to conceive and finally had a child at 40, promising to be the best mom. However, after giving birth, she avoided carrying her baby due to her C-section wound and left the child in the care of her elderly parents.
For years, she only took her daughter home on weekends, relying on her sister for additional support. When her daughter expressed a desire to learn swimming, both parents refused to pay for the lessons or take her to class.
The netizen then said, “Having children is not just about love; it’s also about responsibility and being a good parent to your child. [Some] young parents love their mobile [phones] more than their kids.”
Singapore’s fertility rate has dropped below 1.0, and despite the government’s efforts to reverse this trend with a range of attractive incentives—including the Baby Bonus Cash worth up to S$13,000 and extended paternity leave—many locals are still on the fence or outright rejecting the idea of having kids.
In an online forum, some locals have been vocal about why. Commonly cited factors include a lack of parental instinct, concerns about unstable career prospects, and the high cost of living.
Read more: High cost of living listed as one of the reasons some Singaporeans don’t plan to have kids