‘She chased me out’: Man says mum now demands financial support years later

SINGAPORE: A man is seeking advice online after his mother, who “chased him out of their home” in 2024, is now demanding that he financially support both her and his father.

Detailing his dilemma on a local forum, he shared that his relationship with his mother had already been strained long before he was forced to leave.

According to him, “money was always a big issue” in their relationship. His mother would frequently “demand large sums” not just from him, but from other relatives as well. “I did give when I could,” he said, “but it never really felt enough, and the requests kept coming.”

Over time, he began to feel that his efforts were neither appreciated nor acknowledged, but instead treated as an expectation he could never fully meet. This ongoing dynamic gradually wore him down.

On top of that, his mother was reportedly unhappy with his personal life, including his relationship, his independence, and how he chose to manage his finances. These disagreements became more frequent and more intense, eventually reaching a point where staying at home was no longer possible.

He added that his mother allegedly struggles with mental health issues, which often show up as verbal outbursts and prolonged confrontations.

“I’ve been scolded repeatedly for ‘not giving enough’ and accused of having ‘a lot of money’ when I honestly don’t, and she has sent long voice recordings attacking not just me, but also my partner, friends, and relatives—basically anyone she feels has wronged her. She has even tried to track down where I’m staying just to confront or harass me.”

Two years later

Now, two years after he was forced out, the situation has taken a more serious turn. The man said his mother has filed a legal claim requiring him to provide financial support for both parents.

“I’ve now been informed that she has filed a claim against me through MSF. She has documentation stating that she is unfit for work, and my dad is currently her full-time caregiver. Because of that, the social worker told me that as their child, I’m expected to fulfil my ‘duty’ and financially support them. The Maintenance of Parents Act (MPA) is the official name for the claim under MSF.”

The man wrote that he feels “very conflicted” about the demand. “It’s not that I don’t have empathy or that I don’t care about their situation; I do, but there’s a limit on the threshold, and most of my relatives have since cut them off or at most reply to her, but none wants to communicate with her anymore due to financial issues.”

He added, “The history of how money has been demanded, the emotional and verbal abuse, and the lack of boundaries make it really hard for me to just agree to paying whatever is being asked now. It feels like no matter how much is given, it will never be enough, and the cycle will just continue.”

Unsure of how to proceed, he reached out to the online community, asking, “Has anyone here dealt with something similar — especially involving family claims or being asked to financially support parents under difficult circumstances? How did you handle it, both legally and emotionally?”

“Before everyone comes at me for being ‘unfilial’ or ‘ungrateful,’ please understand that there were lots of family issues happening before all these years. She got sick, and I was forced to be independent since I was 15y/o.”

“If it’s not large, pay it and cut ties off entirely.”

In the comments, many readers sympathised with the man’s situation and offered advice on how he could handle it.

One said, “Sorry to hear about this. This sucks. If I had been independent since 15 years old, and kicked out of the house in 2024, and now they do this…I will be a little petty—I will document everything they did that warrants NOT supporting (by the way, do not sign off on anything that says you’d pay X amount because that can be used against you) them.”

Another suggested that he consider challenging the claim. “Get your relatives’ testimonies, keep your voice messages from her, etc.,” they said. “Anyone who calls you unfilial or ungrateful has never lived with a parent like that. It’s ok, I understand how you feel. I myself have not spoken to my parents for 21 years now. And I have fended for myself for all these years. I wish you all the best.”

A third added, “How much is it? If it’s not large, pay it and cut ties off entirely. If it is large, try to negotiate it down, and then cut them off entirely. Try to lock in the sum for the long term, so if inflation goes up,x you don’t get screwed on this front too.”

Not all parents who file a claim are granted maintenance. According to the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF), parents with a history of abandonment, abuse, or neglect may not proceed with a claim unless permission is granted by the Tribunal for the Maintenance of Parents (TMP).

If a child argues that they are unable to provide financial support, they must submit supporting documents as evidence. This typically includes items such as bank statements, their latest CPF statement, or payslips, which may be required during conciliation.

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