‘Our maid sulks and gives us silent treatment — and we pay S$900 a month’: Employer says household became ‘toxic’ after hiring help

SINGAPORE: An employer turned to social media for advice after their household became increasingly “toxic” because of their helper.

Providing context, the employer explained in her post that her helper’s responsibilities are simple. She is only required to prepare breakfast and dinner, which are usually one- or two-pot dishes like pasta, soup, sandwiches, or noodles, as well as handle household cleaning and laundry. 

“All of this usually should take up no more than 6 hours a day. No childcare at all, as we have another helper for that,” she wrote in the Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid/Domestic Helper Facebook group. “She also has weekly days off, and PH offered along with a salary of S$900.”

Despite these favourable conditions, the employer said the helper has been difficult to manage.

“She [the helper] will debate our requests/directions (‘cook a bit more today,’ ‘I don’t think we need so much’) and have little unnecessary arguments as such. She will ignore tasks and, when pulled up, will sulk. She gives the silent treatment to the lady of the house. I’ve also witnessed eye rolling and face pulling.”

“[She is] also walking through the house all day to seem productive instead of resting in her room and allowing the employers to rest in their space. The household atmosphere is toxic. The vibe is off. I’ve begun detesting my own home.”

Having reached the limit of her patience, the employer asked online users for guidance. “We’ve had a tough time with her. I need advice on what to do! Some objective perspective/advice from employers and helpers is welcome.”

“Your house, your rules.”

The post quickly gained attention on the platform, drawing more than 97 responses from both employers and domestic helpers.

Numerous commenters told the employer to just end the contract. They felt there was no point in putting up with someone who’s disrespectful.

One said, “I think you are being too nice for the wrong reason and to the wrong human! As an employer, I will not have a second thought about asking her to pack her stuff and leave.”

Another commented, “My household has employed maids for over 40 years. Fire her. Same-day termination and repatriation. I can tell you right now that she—and her ego—won’t change. To serve an employer requires humility, which she clearly does not possess.”

“The moment someone brings negativity into your own home, get rid of the source of the problem immediately. PS: She’s overpaid for the scope of her work.”

A third wrote, “Your house, your rules. Why bother to put up with someone who is not meeting your requirements and causing more stress!? Why pay for someone who’s being disrespectful to you, too, in your own home!?”

A few others, however, disagreed with the immediate dismissal. They encouraged the employer to address the matter directly with the helper before making a final decision. 

One told her, “Have the talk and set out rules with papers and signatures to make it official. Do not ever be friendly in that talk. If she really wants that job, she’ll change. If she gives more problems, you’ll see her pulling more than her face. These helpers need a reminder that we did not adopt them to be our sisters; we hired them to work for us.”

In other news, an Indonesian Chinese woman took to social media to share that she sometimes regrets getting married and having children because of the way her Singaporean husband treats her.

Posting on the r/Marriage forum, she wrote, “Recently, I’ve been missing my single life. After getting married and having kids, I feel like life is not what I expected it to be. My husband is not cheating or anything, but we keep having disagreements about our children and my parents.”

Read more: ‘I feel guilty for thinking about divorce’: Indonesian Chinese woman questions marriage with Singaporean husband