SINGAPORE: A young woman recently shared on social media that her mum, who has always been very frugal with her, expects her to give a $500 monthly allowance after she graduates.
In her post on r/SGexams, a Reddit forum, she wrote, “My mum only gave birth to me for money. She was so frugal with me to the point where I was extremely underweight and had no social life.”
She explained that, when she was growing up, her mum controlled every bit of money she had. In primary and secondary school, her mum gave her just $10 a week for pocket money but would take it all back by the end of each week, so she ended up with nothing on weekends or holidays.
For meals, she often had to eat just bread or share a small bowl of rice. If she needed school supplies, like ingredients for a cooking class, her mum would refuse to give her money, even if it meant getting scolded at school.
In polytechnic, the situation didn’t improve much. Her mum gave her $25 a week, but once again, it was all taken back. Her mum even made her skip full meals—one time insisting she only buy a burger instead of a whole meal at McDonald’s—just to save a few dollars.
“I cannot spend more than $5 on a meal or she will rage at me. She told me straight to my face that she don’t want me to spend her money that’s why I only can buy the burger and not the set meal,” she wrote.
“Sometimes my dad will buy food for me and she screamed at my dad and force me to pay back my dad the money for the food.”
When she started interning, her mum kept every cent of her earnings and demanded she hand over any “award money” she won. Even gifts from friends were expected to go straight to her.
“She said that I spend a lot of her money when I was young and she say that I live at her house and eat her food but never pay her back,” she continued.
“Everytime when I buy something with my own paycheck she will scream at me and say that I should use it to pay for the household expenses instead.”
She also shared how, though she had $0 in her account, her mum expected her to pay for her own university education, to move out by age 35, and to give her a monthly allowance after she graduates.
“She forced me to take an IT degree when I got totally no interest in it. I have to give her $500 a month after I graduate from uni,” she said.
“She say the only reason why we go to school is only so that we can earn money. The only thing that matters throughout my whole education life is the amount of money that I earn after I graduate.”
Because of all the emotional trauma she went through, the young woman admitted that she’s now going for counselling.
“Her friends found out about it so she lied to her friends that she sent me for counseling to improve on my social skills when in actual fact I’m the one that want to go for counselling on my own and I’m going for counselling because of her,” she went on.
At the end of her post, she mentioned how differently her older brother is treated.
“His life is totally different from mine. He’s obese, got his uni paid, mum said why force him to work as something that he don’t want to,” she wrote. “My mum buys him everything that he wanted also. He leaches off my mother till he’s 30.”
“You’re not her child, you’re her hostage.”
In the discussion thread, many Singaporean Redditors expressed sympathy for the young woman, saying that no child should be treated so harshly by their own parents.
They advised her to move out of her parents’ house as soon as she graduates and disregard her mum’s demands.
One Redditor said, “You’re not her child, you’re her hostage. You need to get out now. Salary goes into your account. Cut her off like your life asap.”
Another commented, “It is ironic how she is the one who didn’t allow you to spend money but yet later on in life she blames you that you have spent her money. You don’t deserve this. Move out of that hellhole once you are 21.”
A few also recommended that she keep a record of everything, in case her mum decides to take legal action over the lack of a monthly allowance in the future.
One Redditor said, “Try to keep a document list of everything and video/recording of any instances and comment your mom makes when it happens.
“Your mom might sue you for not taking care of her in the future. And when that happens, your documents and evidence will be helpful to you and get you off the child-responsibility hook in the future.”
Survey reveals Singaporean children typically give their parents $300-$500 a month, or 10-20% of their salary
In 2023, The Straits Times commissioned an online survey with 1,000 Singaporean respondents, and found that about 75% of Singaporean children give their parents a monthly allowance.
Of those who do, nearly half contribute between $300 and $500 a month, while others give around 10% to 20% of their salary.
However, this practice isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. For some, committing to a fixed allowance may not be feasible. In such cases, family life specialist Susan Koh from Focus on the Family Singapore recommends having open discussions with parents about what is affordable and realistic.
Ms Koh suggests that those who are earning less, facing financial struggles, or trying to save should talk to their parents about what they can afford and consider alternative ways to help, such as “supplementing their parents’ Central Provident Fund (CPF) accounts, paying for meals when eating out, or contributing to household expenses like groceries, electricity bills, or internet subscriptions.”
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)