‘My father curses our family; calls us idiots, retards, and stupids!’ — Depressed son says, ‘All dad can do is yell at me about how useless I am…’

SINGAPORE: A Singaporean man nearing 30 says home has never felt like a safe place, describing years of emotional strain caused by a father whose anger dominates daily life and leaves lasting psychological damage.

Posting on the r/asksg subreddit forum, the son said living with his father feels “like living with a volcano which is prone to erupt at any moment,” where even the smallest inconvenience can trigger an outburst. “He loves cursing out family members and calling us idiots, retards, and stupids. These are some things he absolutely hates (with his reasons):

• Birthday presents – apparently a Western invention, and the Chinese should eat longevity noodles instead.
• Returning Halal trays to their proper spot – Chinese shouldn’t believe in such nonsense.
• Christmas/Christianity – Western propaganda, and he will go out of his way to make 24, 25 and 26 Dec utterly miserable.”

According to the son, the father “never ceases to make every moment about himself,” throwing tantrums whenever things fail to go his way. Minor inconveniences routinely escalate into shouting matches, turning ordinary days into tense standoffs.

“When I try to get my dad to lower his voice, he takes it as a challenge and calls me a coward…”

The son said his father frequently directs verbal abuse at family members, calling them degrading names and insisting he has no issue doing so publicly. Attempts to de-escalate only make matters worse.

“When I try to get my dad to lower his voice, he takes it as a challenge and calls me a coward,” the son wrote, adding that his father openly declares he has no problem insulting his own family “in front of everyone.”

Dad shouts, “Chinese should only eat longevity noodles!”

The anger from his father, the son added, is often justified through rigid personal beliefs. For example, his father disapproves of birthday celebrations, claiming they are a Western invention and insisting that Chinese families should only eat longevity noodles instead.

Returning halal trays is mocked as unnecessary, while Christmas and Christianity are dismissed outright as Western propaganda.

Over time, this constant disapproval has eroded any sense of comfort at home. “Meals, holidays, and family gatherings are an utter misery to get through as he disapproves of everything under the sun,” the son added.

“All dad could do was yell at me about how useless I am…”

Now close to 30, the son said he feels emotionally exhausted from living with “a man who never matured emotionally,” adding, “A father who can’t bring himself to praise his kid, buy them presents, or even support their hobbies.”

He added that his father has “never once expressed any interest in my hobbies, ever,” and never misses an opportunity to call them “useless and a waste of time.”

During particularly difficult periods — including struggles at university — support was entirely absent. “When I’m struggling in university, all he could do was yell at me about how I was studying wrong and how useless I am.”

“Dad simply needed to be angry right before a holiday and ruin everything…”

One incident shared by the son illustrates how quickly situations escalate. The night before a holiday, the father instructed the son to book a taxi at 5:45 a.m. When the taxi arrived, the father erupted in anger again.

“He threw a huge tantrum,” the son said, accusing him of incompetence and questioning why he did not ensure his father was ready, even though the son had followed the instructions exactly.

“He simply needed to be angry right before a holiday, which was meant to be a relaxing and happy event, and ruin everything,” the son said.

“I feel I am already emotionally damaged…”

The son also describes his father’s persistent emotional manipulation. He said his father has almost no friends and regularly criticises every friend or colleague his son has, pointing out flaws and urging him to cut off contact.

“He gaslights me constantly, saying family is more important,” the son wrote. This pressure has left him feeling isolated, torn between maintaining relationships outside the home and preserving peace within it.

“I feel I am already emotionally damaged,” he admitted.

“My dad thinks depression does not exist, and it’s just a part of Western propaganda…”

The son said his emotional state has worsened over time, but conversations about mental health are impossible at home.

“My dad is unfortunately one of those men who thinks depression does not exist and is part of Western propaganda,” the son explained, adding that merely mentioning the word can trigger “hour-long lectures” denying its existence.

“I probably can leave, but I can’t abandon my mother…”

While leaving home is an option in theory, the son said reality is more complicated. He does not want to abandon his mother, who he says is “chained to this marriage” because she does not believe in divorce for religious reasons.

“I probably can leave, but I can’t abandon my mother,” he explained further. As a result, he feels trapped, caught between self-preservation and filial responsibility. “Looks like I am stuck in this unless I find someone to settle down with,” he concluded.

Seeking solidarity, not sympathy

The son ended his note not with anger, but with weariness and a desire to feel less alone.

“There are more, but I would love to hear… and feel some solidarity,” he wrote. “I am just depressed at the moment.”

Responses from commenters that followed reflected how common such experiences are in their own families, highlighting a quiet but widespread struggle faced by adults living under emotionally volatile parents, where the damage is not always visible but deeply felt.

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