SINGAPORE: A man took to NUSWhispers to vent about his four-year marriage to his Taiwanese wife, revealing that what started as a loving relationship left him feeling completely drained.
According to his post, he and his wife had known each other for a year or two before tying the knot. The early years of their marriage were filled with sweetness, and while he was aware of his wife’s tendency to throw tantrums and blame others when things went wrong, she was at least willing to “be educated” and adjust her behaviour when necessary.
However, over time, things started to deteriorate. His wife would now openly scold him in front of others despite him telling her that such behaviour was unacceptable.
“I told her that’s wrong to do that, and she will put the blame on me,” he wrote. “Maybe I didn’t understand her enough, or I was not paying attention to what she was doing, [but she’s] always blaming me even for something as small as cooking noodles.”
The man also revealed the most painful part is how his wife treats his family. Although she pretends to get along with them, he feels like she doesn’t truly embrace them as her own.
“There were times when she’d say things like, ‘We shouldn’t go to JB with your family,’ but she wanted to go with my bunch of friends instead,” he explained. “And there was once, it was my dad’s anniversary, and she said, ‘He’s not my dad. I don’t want to take leave and go.’”
Feeling drained from constantly trying to do the right thing, the man admitted he was at his wit’s end. “I’m so exhausted that I have to do this every time; I would appreciate any good advice,” he concluded.
“You have to give detailed examples of why she scolded you…”
Several netizens who chimed in on the post felt it was difficult to determine who was truly at fault in the marriage, as the man had not provided full context about their arguments.
They pointed out that while he painted himself as the victim, it was unclear what exactly led to his wife’s outbursts and whether his actions (or inactions) played a role in their conflicts.
One netizen asked for more details before passing judgment, writing, “I think, to advise you properly, you have to give detailed examples of why she scolded you. What did you do wrong to make her admonish you in front of others?”
Another took a more critical stance, suggesting that the man might not be as innocent as he claimed. She said, “I suppose she would have also educated you on doing things at home, with or without her, and you never listened. Until she points out your problem in front of other people, that’s when you feel the pain. Who is the immature one here?”
Some also disagreed that the wife should fully embrace her husband’s family. One netizen commented, “I think it’s weird that it’s a requirement to treat your family as her own. The fact is they are not. They never supported her or took care of her before. It’s already good that she puts on a good front with them.”
Still, a few sympathized with the man’s struggles and recognized the toll his wife’s behaviour had taken on him.
One wrote, “All I can say is you must love yourself more. Don’t be a simp. Don’t be a pushover. Men without attitude and temper are often perceived as spineless by their spouse.”
Another advised him, “You need marital counselling rather than advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet.”
Marital counselling
Marital counselling in Singapore is available through both in-person and online services. The Strengthening Families Programme@Family Service Centres (FAM@FSCs) offers free face-to-face counselling for Singapore Citizens, Permanent Residents, or those with a Singapore nexus.
Other options include mental health helplines, ethnic-based self-help groups like the Chinese Development Assistance Council (CDAC), religious organisations and private counsellors.
For those who prefer a more discreet option, Online Counselling on Family Assist (OCFA) provides free and anonymous support. This is ideal for individuals dealing with marital, divorce, or parenting issues who may not feel comfortable with face-to-face counselling.
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