SINGAPORE: In what might be the most Singaporean moral dilemma of the week, one employer has found herself balancing between legal obligations, moral caution, and the very human complexities of love, served with a side of travel insurance.
Posting on r/askSingapore, the concerned employer sought advice from other Singaporeans after her domestic helper asked to go on a 2D1N (two days, one night) trip to Penang in Malaysia, with her new boyfriend of two weeks.
“My PH helper has asked if she can go on a 2D1N trip to Penang with her new boyfriend. BF is a Malaysian Indian working in SG, and he wants to take her back to Penang to ‘see his family’,” the employer shared.
Cue the collective sigh of Reddit commenters.
“If she goes missing (human trafficked), are you going to be responsible?”
The details read like a romance novel with an alarm bell on every page.
“He’s bought her a phone, given her money, and even picked her up from the airport when she returned from her home leave last month,” the employer added. “They met through her friends/cousins, as he lent them money. Aka, loan shark.”
And while she stressed that her helper—approaching 40, a mother of three, and recently divorced—is “good at her job and not at all vain,” the internet wasn’t ready to pop the champagne just yet.
“Love bombing alert!” one Singaporean flagged. “Very scary. Nowadays, there is really a lot of human trafficking to Cambodia.”
Another said directly, “If she goes missing (human trafficked), dies, or gets into an accident overseas, are you going to be responsible? Especially a BF who is a loanshark?”
“Even if it seems like overstepping, safety comes first…”
On the legal front, Reddit commenters confirmed that domestic helpers can travel overseas on their off days or during annual leave. “She is an adult, not a slave,” said one reply. “Just make sure she gets insurance.”
However, the matter wasn’t simply black and white.
“The thing is, you will bear the responsibility if anything happens to her,” one commenter cautioned, pointing out the tightrope employers walk under Ministry of Manpower (MOM) rules. “Even if it seems like overstepping, safety comes first.”
Another commenter, trying to find middle ground, offered: “If you do want to consider it, meet the boyfriend first, get his family details in Penang, and his work permit. Make it clear that if she doesn’t return, you’ll report it as suspected trafficking.”
“Treat her almost like a daughter…”
The post has sparked a wider conversation about how employers should treat their helpers—not just as employees, but as fellow human beings navigating life’s emotional rollercoaster.
“Treat her almost like a daughter,” one advised. “Explain gently that two weeks [with her boyfriend] is too early [to go travel with him]. She might not see the red flags you do.”
Others suggested basic travel safety protocols, including making sure she has insurance, asking her boyfriend to book the return flight as well, and ensuring she has the means to call for help if things go south.
“He has kids of his own, too…”
The employer’s genuine concern shone through the post, even as she acknowledged her own discomfort.
“Knowing her for 2 years, she’s good at her job… He was the one pursuing her. He has kids of his own, too.”
The dilemma, in the end, wasn’t just about a weekend trip to Penang. It was about walking the fine line between respecting someone’s personal life and doing your due diligence—especially when that someone is under your legal care.
Disclaimer: This report is based on a real Reddit post and public commentary. Readers are reminded that every employment situation is unique, and legal questions should be directed to the Ministry of Manpower (MOM) or a licensed employment agency
Read related: Maid says, ‘I got terminated and was asked to leave Singapore immediately because I want to get married to a Singaporean’
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