SINGAPORE: A 34-year-old woman took to social media to share her painful upbringing and seek advice on how to break free from her controlling and emotionally abusive parents.
In her post on the NUSWhispers Facebook page, she explained that her parents, whom she described as “selfish and narcissistic,” never showed her any affection or warmth. Growing up, she was not allowed to go out, invite friends over, or take part in community activities. Even small expressions of joy, like dancing, were discouraged.
She added that she never felt truly seen or acknowledged by them. There were “no hugs”, no praises, no words of encouragement, no emotional connection, and no expressions of love throughout her childhood.
She also mentioned that she went through a lot of trauma because of her parents. Her father once physically hurt her just for “accidentally dropping the TV remote”, and her mother would often lash out at her with hurtful words, calling her a “liability” who only knew how to spend her father’s money.
The woman said that despite all the pain she endured, she stayed strong and kept her focus on her studies. She worked hard, got into medical school, and eventually became a doctor. After that, she moved out, built a life of her own, and married a kind and supportive husband.
However, even with all that she has accomplished, her parents still refuse to respect her autonomy and continue trying to interfere in her life, unwilling to truly let her go or respect the boundaries she’s set.
“Even today at 34+ years old, my mother still tells me I must be ‘polite’ and cannot text ‘okay,’ ‘ok,’ or other short forms to her or colleagues (with online article links to prove her point). On the phone call, I also cannot say the phrase ‘of course.’ If I block her for a few days and then unblock her, she will corner me and scold me for 20 minutes in front of my husband (when the two of us visit my parents),” she said.
“To our aunties and uncles, I’m the bad daughter, as she smiles, laughs, and treats them well when around them. Privately, she tells my husband and me that they are all bad people and tells me not to fall for their ‘tricks’ just because they are nice. So right now, my relatives (with the exception of a few perceptive young cousins) all think I’m a bad person/daughter and not loving, and my mother’s the one who is happy and coping well and likes everyone. They think I’m the negative one, as I don’t smile often.”
The woman said the first time she truly felt loved was when her mother-in-law looked into her eyes and said, “I love you.”
“I’m grateful for my loving in-laws, and I really need to protect my sanity and my family’s health and peace, and of course, my children. My mother has not changed, and she has possibly even worsened even after knowing I’m pregnant,” she wrote.
“She still says I don’t know a lot of things, and I need to run through my decisions with other people. I refuse to bow down to fear and control, and foolishness and ignorance anymore. I want to bravely live a normal, happy, healthy, loving life.”
The woman concluded her post with a plea for advice: “How do I best break the cycle, detach from the enmeshment/control with little repercussions, protect the sanity and peace of my immediate family, not let my parents influence my children wrongly, or be traumatised like me?”
“Set boundaries with your parents.”
The comments section was flooded with support, with many people urging her to cut ties with her parents to protect her mental well-being. Some shared their own stories of walking away from toxic family dynamics, saying it brought them peace and freedom.
Others offered kind words and reminded her that she’s not alone—that she deserves to put herself and her growing family first without guilt or fear.
“It’s okay to cut off contact with toxic people. Even if they are your own parents,” one individual said. “I’m sorry, but there are progenitors of human beings who don’t deserve the title of being a parent. Do what you need to do to have a normal life from here on.”
Another suggested, “Block their number permanently, move house, and maybe change jobs too, so they can’t find you at all. Because if they can’t reach you on the phone, they will very sure hound you at your home or workplace.”
A third added, “Set boundaries with your parents. Protect your family from them. Limit your time and interaction with them. Make it clear that only if they improve their behaviour will you improve yours. Don’t let the words or actions affect you. Accept that it is what it is. Do not expect them to be the same as others unless they have changed.”
In other news, a concerned husband took to an online forum to express his outrage over a shocking workplace incident involving his wife’s female manager, who had allegedly spiked her drink on multiple occasions.
Posting on the r/askSingapore forum on Thursday (May 8), he stated that the manager had spiked his wife’s drink in the office pantry while she was away.
“My wife took a sip and noticed an unusual flavour and poured the drink away unsuspectively because there is CCTV around. When my wife felt nauseous and wanted to vomit, the manager sent a message, claiming that it was a ‘collagen supplement,’ and she put a pill into her drink to help with the energy boost,” he explained.
Read also: My wife’s office manager keeps spiking her drink, yet the company still keeps the manager around
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