SINGAPORE: Singaporeans revealed the top qualities or ‘green flags’ they usually look for in potential partners on an online forum.
The discussion started after one user asked in a Reddit forum, r/sgdatingscene, “Often, you hear about people talking about red flags, but what about green flags? List down the qualities you would appreciate in someone, especially your significant other.”
When a person is genuinely happy for them
When choosing a life partner, many users agreed that they usually don’t focus on superficial aspects like wealth or appearance. Instead, they prioritize a person’s character, including how kind and supportive they are and their ability to genuinely celebrate others’ happiness.
One user said she wants a partner who will be genuinely excited about her successes, whether landing a dream job, reaching a personal goal, or celebrating an important milestone.
She explained, “In a society full of chronic complainers—where nothing is ever good enough—or maybe people have been brought up in competitive environments and demanding parents… it feels as if there is always a hint of negativity even when trying to celebrate a moment.
If not that, you’ll be subjected to comparison against some other’s success. So if I get 100% validation from my partner, I think it makes me less insecure about trying more/different things in life.”
When a person takes accountability for their actions
Users also mentioned wanting their future partners to be willing to take accountability for their actions.
One user said, “Too many people say and do horrible things. They just brush it aside and pretend nothing is wrong and are not to be blamed. These are the same people who would rather jump off a tall HDB than say sorry and admit they are wrong.”
Another user elaborated that they can usually tell if someone has this quality based on how they own up to their mistakes in their apologies. For instance, an “I’m sorry you feel that way” is fundamentally different from an “I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”
The former tends to deflect responsibility, implying that the issue lies with the other person’s feelings rather than acknowledging the action that caused them.
This kind of insincere “apology” can come off as dismissive and often leads to further frustration, as it doesn’t validate the feelings of the person who has been hurt.
In contrast, the latter apology, “I’m sorry I made you feel that way,” shows genuine ownership and accountability. This response recognizes the other person’s emotional experience and takes responsibility for the actions that led to those feelings.
When a person follows through on their promises
Another quality they watch out for is the person’s ability to keep their promises. Users explained that consistently following through on their commitments builds trust and shows that they value the relationship.
One user expressed, “[I want] someone who talks the talk and walks the walk. If his actions don’t align with his words, how can you trust him to make big decisions in the future?”
When a person has ‘good emotional control’
Looking back on her past relationships, one user said she wants her future partner to have good emotional control. She doesn’t want someone who will blow up on her or say mean things when they’re upset.
Instead, she’s looking for someone who can handle their feelings in a healthy way and keep communication open without resorting to anger or insults.
She said, “I’m not saying suppress it; I’m more of saying things like, “Eh, I can’t talk about that right now. Can we do that later? Maybe 10 pm?”
This simple sentence accomplishes a few things. Acknowledging your own emotions and showing that you aren’t just dismissing the topic by actively suggesting a later time.