‘I’m really tired of having to listen to her arguments’: SG employer considers replacing maid

SINGAPORE: An employer shared on social media that she’s considering replacing her domestic helper after the woman’s attitude allegedly changed several months into her employment.

On Thursday (Aug 13), she took to the MDW in Singapore (working conditions forum) Facebook group, explaining that her Myanmar helper had been with her family for slightly over a year.

When the helper first arrived, the employer said her attitude was “super.” She described her as someone who was a “fast worker, always smiley, proactive, and polite.”

However, things allegedly changed as the helper became more familiar with the family.

According to the employer, the helper gradually became more “argumentative.” Whenever she made a mistake, she would allegedly point the finger at the children or come up with an excuse, while “always” having to have the last word.

When confronted, the helper would allegedly insist that she had completed the tasks, even when the employer showed her evidence to the contrary.

“[She would deny things] even if I show her rotten vegetables that have gone bad in the fridge or hardened stains that need to be scratched out,” the employer said.

“I’m really tired of having to listen to her arguments and trying to reason with her because it seems like she thinks she is right.”

Helper’s conduct towards children

The employer said she was also unhappy with how the helper handled her children.

She claimed that when she and her husband returned home late, which she said happened about once a month because of “family emergencies, social engagements, or company dinners,” the helper would tell them that she “cannot make” their four-year-old fall asleep at the designated time.

The helper had also allegedly stopped engaging with the child. According to the employer, she no longer wanted to play with or read to the four-year-old.

The employer also mentioned that the helper had been “badmouthing the other sibling” to the four-year-old, calling the sibling “messy” and “lazy.”

She also raised concerns about the helper’s approach to disciplining the four-year-old.

“When my 4-year-old gets a bit chatty, she will ‘ssssh’ her. When I asked her nicely to please not do that but instead maybe tell the little one to be quiet for a while. She argued that it is how they do it in Myanmar. I explained and demonstrated to her if she was talking, and I shushed her if she liked it. She said, ‘If Ma’am doesn’t like it, then I will stop.’ It is always like still holding her ground that she is in the right.”

Helper allegedly spends time away from CCTV

The employer also claimed that the helper spent much of her free time in areas that were not covered by the family’s CCTV cameras when nobody was home.

She alleged that the helper would play games or chat on her phone during these periods, and sometimes stayed in the toilet.

Wanting to know what others would do if they were in her shoes, she asked, “If you were me, would you just tolerate her till her contract runs out or replace her? Apart from the above, she does a decent job housekeeping.”

“She’s not helping but adding to your stress”

Several commenters said they understood the employer’s frustration and advised her to find a replacement.

One user said, “As a helper, ma’am, I think you should replace her. Find a helper that has initiative to do her job right. A helper should be a help to the employer, not a burden.

With that kind of attitude, even if you talk to her a hundred times she won’t listen because she will always think she didn’t do wrong things. You deserve what you tolerate.”

Another commented, “Replace. The line is breached when she badmouths a child. It’s a precursor to abuse. She is just testing your boundaries before going to the next step. I’m surprised that a normal responsible parent can tolerate that.”

A third wrote, “Fire her. My previous helper was like that too. Attitude changed after a few months. She’s not helping but adding to your stress.”

A few others, however, encouraged the employer to first have a proper conversation with her and hear her side of the story.

One wrote, “Have you tried asking her side? So both of you can understand each other. Why not ask her one more time?”

Another simply said, “Tolerate. Nowadays there are worse maids—loan sharks, abusive, boyfriend, money, and TikTok.”/TISG

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