‘I felt small’: Maid says she sat without food while feeding employer’s children at restaurant

SINGAPORE: A domestic helper took to social media to share that she “felt small” after her employer did not allow her to join the family for a meal at a restaurant.

Posting in the SINGAPORE TRANSFER (No Fees/SD), DIRECT HIRE & NEW HELPER Facebook group, the helper explained that she is still new to the household and is trying her best to adjust to the family’s routines and expectations.

Before heading out that day, she said she had already prepared herself for the possibility that food might not be provided for her.

“Before leaving the house, I already ate breakfast, and I also brought small biscuits and candy just in case.”

When they arrived at the restaurant, her concerns were confirmed. The helper said her employer ordered food only for the family, leaving her to look after the children during the meal. 

“I focused on taking care of the children and feeding them. I understand that employers are not always obligated to buy food for helpers in restaurants, especially expensive ones, and eventually I was given takeaway food later on,” she wrote.

“But honestly, I felt shy and uncomfortable because I was sitting there with no food while people around me were looking. I know maybe I am just overthinking, but it made me feel small somehow.”

She also brought up another issue that has been quietly bothering her at home. According to the helper, the family usually eats directly from shared dishes using their own chopsticks and does not use serving spoons.

Because of that, she sometimes feels “uncomfortable” eating whatever food remains after the family has finished their meal.

“I’m trying to understand if maybe this is normal in some households or maybe I’m just too sensitive because I’m still adjusting. I don’t want to create problems because overall the work is manageable and I want to finish my contract peacefully,” she said.

“I just want to hear some advice or experiences from others in a respectful way. Thank you.”

“Do your job well, and don’t feel small.”

In the comments section, many netizens sympathised with the helper and said they could understand why she felt hurt and embarrassed by the experience.

At the same time, several pointed out that household practices differ widely from one employer to another. While some families treat their helpers like extended family members and include them in meals and outings, others prefer to keep a more formal employer-employee relationship.

One user shared, “I am an employer, and I could never imagine going out to eat while the person caring for my children sits there without food. No matter where we go or how expensive the restaurant is, I make sure my helper eats with us too.”

Another commented, “It is really up to individuals. I cannot speak for others, but I usually treat my helper as a teammate. Whatever my kids eat, she gets to eat too. We eat together. I will ask my helper what she would like to eat.”

Others encouraged the helper not to take the situation too personally.

A third told her, “Hi dear, it’s normal here. There will be various types of people, but I want you to know that you’re not alone, and don’t lose hope because not everyone will behave the same way. You may experience different and kinder treatment in the future, so keep it up, do your job well, and don’t feel small.”

In other news, a man has touched hearts online after sharing how his wife and in-laws helped him heal from a toxic upbringing and showed him what a happy family truly feels like.

In a post titled “I got my happy ending” on the SGWhispers Facebook group, the man said that he grew up in an “extremely toxic family full of narcissists,” which severely affected his understanding of what was normal and what was not.

Read more: ‘I got my happy ending’: Man says his wife and in-laws helped him heal from a toxic upbringing