SINGAPORE: A young man revealed on social media that his father has threatened to disown him if “he doesn’t make it into NUS, NTU, or any of the top universities”.
“Honestly, I’m anxious and scared that I won’t be able to make it into a good university just because of this. It would literally ruin my family and my life. Everyone’s been telling me that it is hard to get into a good university through polytechnic, which makes me even more anxious,” the young man wrote on r/SGexams on Monday (Feb 26).
After showing his father his recent scores, the young man said his father laughed and mocked him. His mother didn’t talk to him for a few days.
“I got a o level score of l1r4 7 and l1r5 12, which can’t get me into any ‘good’ junior colleges, as my parents said. They called me a failure and asked me why I was upset with my results when it was the result of the little amount of studying I did.
My math improved drastically from C6 to A1, and I achieved distinctions for all subjects except bio, which I got C5 in.”
Although he and his mother are on good terms now, the young man admitted that he still “feels extremely guilty” whenever she looks into her eyes.
“Your parents are giving you such a hard time, which is really unreasonable”
After reading the young man’s post, many Singaporean Redditors became enraged, believing his parents’ actions to be irrational.
Several of them even described his parents as terrible, with his father in particular being toxic.
One individual said, “So much pressure on you to succeed. Your parents are giving you such a hard time, which is really unreasonable. And why is there so much pressure for you to achieve this?
Unless your parents are incredibly gifted themselves, there seems to be so much pressure to perform. I hear you and I understand.”
While another commented, “Imagine being a dad, having just spent 17-20 years working hard, feeding and raising a child, going through financial and emotional stress… Only to disown said child, because the child CANNOT ENTER A UNIVERSITY?!”
Some, on the other hand, believed that his parents had the mentality of a “toxic Asian parent,” having grown up in a strict family themselves and believing that tough love was the best way to bring up a child.
One individual added, “Keep up the good work, parents will never be satisfied until you are at the top, which is almost impossible unless you’re a born genius. Sometimes it’s good to cut off toxic people even if they’re your parents.”
Common characteristics of Toxic Parents
Toxic parenting can cause significant harm to a child in both the short and long term.
However, early detection can make a world of difference because the child can act on it right away and find ways to defend themselves against their parents’ toxic behaviour.
These are the common characteristics of toxic parents, according to DFS Consulting:
- They are self-centred. Toxic parents are usually emotionally unavailable, narcissistic, and unconcerned about their children’s needs and emotions.
- They physically and/or verbally abuse their child. It is natural for a parent to discipline their children, but if it occurs frequently and intentionally, there is an issue. Toxic parents abuse their children through hitting, yelling, threats, name-calling, shifting blame, silent treatment, and gaslighting.
- They are controlling. Toxic parents want power over their children, and they do this by invading their children’s privacy or controlling their choices.
- They are manipulative. These types of parents frequently use guilt, shame, money, or other possessions to manipulate their children.
- They violate boundaries. Toxic parents will push and push until they get what they want. They do not respect their children’s wishes or growth and don’t care how their child will feel as long as they get their desired result.
Read also: 22yo woman asks, “how do I get a house?” to get away from toxic family
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