By Koh Hui Xin
The Sun newspaper in the UK brought to light a Reddit “AMA” (ask me anything) session by an anonymous, 20-year-old woman about life as a sugar baby.
Posted on Reddit last week, she answered questions posed by other users, ranging from how much she earns, to whether she would have a sugar daddy and date a boyfriend at the same time.
In a case closer to home, a 22-year-old Malaysian sugar baby also took to Reddit for a brutally honest “AMA” session about the sugar scene in Malaysia.
An “Agnostic Malay lady”, she is currently a Biomedical Science student in university and has been in the “sugarbowl” (sugar bowl refers to the “sugar” lifestyle or the “sugar” scene) scene for over two years.
“The reason why I got into this is because I need to pay my student debt and also want to save up for my Masters studies (hopefully) overseas,” she wrote.
When asked about how much she charges, she answered: “Actually for both SD [sugar daddy] they just straight away wanted to give me allowance because they wanted it to be long term (although the first one was short because of a few reasons).
“My first SD offered me 2k [S$675] a month and I was fine by it (I thought it was a lot) and it didn’t increase. My second SD offered 2k as a start and it slowly increased to 5k [S$1690] a month not including gifts.
“I currently live in a condo that he bought as an investment which cuts a lot of cost such as bills (internet, maintenance, water, electricity) and is near to the place I work and [my university].”
On the “expected” physical contact, she wrote: “I usually just provide companionship and the affection he doesn’t get from his busy wife.
“If we’re not having sex, we would just cuddle up and I would listen to him talk about his week and whatever is in his mind. Sometimes I’d cook his favourite dish whenever he comes visit or he would cook for me before I come back home from work or class.
“He just wants to do all that cute coupley stuff that he never got to do with his wife.”
She even gave comprehensive advice to potential sugar daddies, listing out what they should discuss with their sugar babies on the first meeting.
Of the “sugarbowl” scene in Malaysia, she said: “You don’t always hear people talk about sugaring and having a SB (sugar baby), but it’s not uncommon.
“A good amount of my friends are SB and I even know a SB from Indonesia who flies here every month to meet her SB who’s a Malaysian. You’d see a lot of Malaysians on SA.”
SA here refers to Seeking Arrangement, an American sugar baby and sugar daddy dating website founded in 2006 by Singaporean Brandon Wade.
A user asked: “Since the whole SD/SB relationship is like a contact, are you allowed to have your own personal relationship?”
To which she answered: “Well for me my SD doesn’t mind at all if I have a boyfriend, in fact he encourages me to go dating and mingle around because he doesn’t want to be that person to take away my freedom.
“Some SDs prefer their SBs to be in a relationship to avoid the SB getting too attached to them.”
On whether she intended on being a sugar baby long-term, she said: “I don’t intend on doing this for a long time. After I’m done with my studies, manage to pay my debt and have a bit saved up, I’d probably end this arrangement.”
When asked about how she deals with “judgmental people who, without a doubt, feel like they are morally and religiously superior”, she answered: “I just smile and keep quiet. It’s no use arguing with them and telling them they’re wrong and stuff. Everyone has their own opinions, regardless if it sounds offensive to me.
“I’ve pretty much grew a thicker skin and learned to not give a damn if someone criticizes my choices.”
However, the stigma surrounding the sugar culture – or rather, subculture – remains. This is even more pertinent in a moderately conservative society like Singapore’s, where the government has stated its position that this culture turns relationships into transactions and undermines familial and societal values.
Minister for Social and Family Development Desmond Lee said that sugar sites, such as TheSugarBook, “encourage (young women) to demean their own sense of self-worth.”
Sugar babies also suffer an enormous emotional toll. Marriage and family therapist, Jessica Stebbins, opines that the emotional effects of “sugaring” can often be the same or even worse than those of prostitution.
In an interview with Business Insider, Christina, a 29-year-old sugar baby who lives in Las Vegas, said: “I’ve had to struggle with the negative attachment that comes along with being on the site, or saying that you have a sugar daddy.”
In Singapore, former sugar baby Tricia (not her real name) revealed in an interview with Zula that her time as a sugar baby was a detriment to her mental well-being. She felt that her job was no different from prostitution.
“I felt dead on the inside. I couldn’t recognise the girl in the mirror anymore. That was when I realised I’d rather be broke and still love myself than to be rich and hate who I am,” she said.