SG student feels deflated after father questions decision to study at NUS instead of Oxbridge

SINGAPORE: One young Singaporean recently shared that instead of feeling proud after securing a place in one of Singapore’s most competitive university programmes, he ended up feeling quite deflated after his father seemed disappointed that he chose to study locally instead of heading to the United Kingdom.

Posting on the r/SGexams subreddit, the student explained that he had accepted an offer from the National University of Singapore to study Computer Science and Mathematics under a merit scholarship, which many would already consider a massive achievement.

However, according to him, his father’s reaction was far from enthusiastic.

“My father didn’t seem very happy when I told him I accepted the offer. (I don’t usually tell my parents the decision I made unless it’s something major because I don’t want them to interfere).”

“He wanted me to study in the UK instead. My father brought it up at the dinner table today and asked why I didn’t want to go overseas to study. I told him that the interviews/admissions tests/application deadlines for Oxbridge were around mid-October, which was right in the middle of my As. My prelims weren’t great either, so I didn’t want to compromise my As.”

On top of the intense academic pressure, the financial burden of studying abroad also weighed heavily on his mind. He revealed that a UK degree alone could allegedly cost around S$75,000 per year, excluding additional living expenses.

Although his father assured him that he could afford the costs, the student admitted he felt uncomfortable with the idea of his father continuing to overwork himself just to fund an overseas education.

“He’s already extremely tired and is practically working the entire week,” he said.

The student added that he overheard his father arguing with his mother about the decision after dinner. 

“I overheard him arguing with my mum about it. He said that I would miss out on many opportunities by not studying overseas and that UK grads from top unis would have much higher salaries than what NUS could offer.”

“On one hand, I do feel a bit guilty for not applying, but at the same time, it also felt quite sad that he didn’t seem to acknowledge how much effort it took to get into such a competitive course, especially with a scholarship.”

“Just assure him that this is not going to hinder your future.”

Many Singaporean Redditors quickly rallied around the student in the comments section, reassuring him that earning a scholarship to study Computer Science and Mathematics at NUS is already an achievement most students could only dream of.

One commenter wrote, “Hey, it’s your choice and your life, getting into NUS with a scholarship is already really good. Just keep going at your pace and keep working hard. All the best.”

Another tried to cheer him up, saying, “I am proud of you…In fact, all of us here are proud of you. We know how hard it is to conquer A levels and then get into NUS CS and Math through a scholarship. So chin up!! You have done fantastic regardless of whether your father understands it… And you have a bright future ahead.”

Others, meanwhile, suggested that the student try having another conversation with his father.

One individual commented, “You know, the guilt game goes both ways. Tell him that you didn’t want to go overseas, so you won’t be such a large financial burden. Then he can work a bit less, and you wish you could see him more at home. I am sure he will be touched; if not, at least he will lay off the complaints.”

Another added, “As a parent, I can tell you he’s more disappointed in himself or guilty that he wasn’t around to guide you to make what he felt was the better choice (i.e., apply overseas). He’s proud of your achievement… just assure him that this is not going to hinder your future and you will still work hard and do well for yourself and your family.”

In other news, a 22-year-old Singaporean woman says she feels used and emotionally drained after allegedly being made to pay for most of her relationship expenses while her boyfriend claimed he was “saving for their future.”

In a post shared on a local forum on Thursday (May 21), the woman said she has been dating her boyfriend since 2023

Read more: SG woman says boyfriend earning S$5K–S$6K still expected her to cover most expenses