‘You don’t love her,’ Commenters tell Singapore man who’s struggling with attraction to overweight girlfriend

SINGAPORE: After a man acknowledged in an anonymous social media post that he was “struggling with attraction” to the woman he’s dating because she’s overweight, commenters told him flatly that he doesn’t love her and that the kindest thing to do is to let her go.

In a May 29 post on the SGWhispers Facebook group, the man wrote: “ I thought looks don’t matter… until they did.”

On paper, the woman is everything he could ever ask for, with a 10/10 personality and a heart of gold. Moreover, “she treats me better than anyone ever has,” he added.

However, he confessed to feeling like a villain because the woman’s looks didn’t measure up to his expectations. The woman “struggles with her weight,” although she’s made a lot of effort, including going to the gym and dieting, but, like her family, is heavyset.

The post author expressed concerns that later on, if they get married and life gets stressful and kids begin to come, she might struggle with weight gain even more.

He wrote, “I used to tell myself I’m not superficial. ‘Looks fade, personality stays.; I genuinely believed that.

But when I see her physically out of shape, I struggle with attraction. And that scares me. Because I love her now, but I’m afraid that one day I won’t. I’ve never cheated in my life, and I never want to, but a small, honest part of me wonders — if the attraction fades completely, can I 100% trust myself years later?”

He wondered if he was “ignoring a red flag about myself” and if an issue that “feels small now might slowly break the relationship in the future.”

Commenters, most of whom were women, told him that it would be better if he and his girlfriend broke up.

“Gonna be upfront. You don’t love her. Your practical mind is telling you she’s the one for you, but you don’t love her enough to look beyond,” wrote one. 

“You think you won’t grow fat or have a pot belly or lose hair or even go bald when you hit middle age? If you can’t accept someone when she puts on weight, pls let her go. You don’t love her. You are shallow. She deserves a better man who appreciates her as-is condition,” another added. 

“She deserves someone else. Period. The problem lies with you and not her,” a woman weighed in.

“Don’t punish the poor girl based on your likes and dislikes, now and in the future. If you really love her, let her go NOW. Because if you cannot change… she is not obliged to. Short-term pain is better than long-term pain,” added another. 

“Let her go. Let your girl find someone who will appreciate her fully,” a commenter agreed.

“The best thing you can do for her is to let her know so that she can find someone who will love her truly and be happy,” advised a woman whose former partner told her it would be a dealbreaker if she lost her hair or gained weight. /TISG

Read also: You’ve put on weight’ — Woman asks if it’s normal in Singapore to openly comment on someone’s weight