Woman tempted to reunite with ex-fiancé despite years of breakups and broken promises

SINGAPORE: A Singaporean woman is having second thoughts about moving on after her ex-fiancé recently asked to reconcile, telling her he wants to change and make the relationship work.

Although part of her is tempted by the idea of getting back together, she’s finding it hard to believe him after hearing the same promise so many times during their on-and-off six-year relationship.

Writing on Reddit’s r/SingaporeR forum on Wednesday (July 22), she shared that they had broken up two months ago despite already applying for an HDB flat together. 

According to her, her ex ended the relationship because he was still “unsure of their future together.”

She also said that whenever she tried to discuss practical matters, such as their wedding or what they wanted to do with their upcoming flat, he would brush the conversations aside.

“He felt like the relationship was no longer interesting. He was also not ready for the future even after being together for so long. He initiated the break, and I agreed because I couldn’t stand staying with someone unsure of our future.”

Looking back, she admitted there had been several red flags throughout the relationship.

“Throughout our relationship, we broke up and got back together multiple times (got back within a day). We also have different argument styles, and our arguments always spiral for a really long time. Both of us have ego, which is the main reason why I feel we aren’t compatible.”

“I’m tempted”

The woman shared that they have stayed in contact only to sort out a few “admin matters”, such as their flat, belongings left at each other’s homes and money that was still owed.

Even so, she said getting back together was never really on her mind. Over the past two months, she had been focused on moving forward, working on herself and learning how to enjoy being on her own.

“I’ve spent the time apart working on myself, being happy alone, picking up new hobbies, meeting friends and I’m proud of how i’m progressing.”

Recently, however, her ex told her he wanted to reconcile. He said the time apart had made him realise he regretted ending the relationship.

“Out of nowhere, he wants to reconcile, saying that he will change, and that after some time apart, he regrets his actions and wants to change for real. I’ve heard this phrase MANY times, and tbh I’ve lost all hope in him actually changing. Guessing maybe the change will last 2-3 months max, and then it’s back to his old ignorant self.”

“Using a very logical mindset, I do not want to go back, because I do not trust his words and I also do not want to waste any more time. However, on an emotional front, reconciling does sound tempting especially after how much memories we had together.”

Unsure what to do, she asked fellow Singaporeans: “Anyone have successful happily ever after stories after getting back with an ex? Anyone regret not getting back with their ex? I’m in a spiralling mess right now and I really don’t know what to do…. Any advice, thoughts, trauma dump all accepted.”

“Remember, a leopard will never change its spots”

Under the post, many commenters strongly discouraged the woman from getting back together with her ex.

One suggested that when her ex said he wanted to break up, it was because he had “found her boring.” 

The commenter added that the ex likely wanted to reconcile only because, during those two months apart, he had looked for another partner but realised that nobody else wanted him, or that nobody else measured up to the post author’s good qualities.

“It’s not ‘after all this time it’s still you’; it’s, ‘weighed the pros and cons, and you’re still the better option.”

Another commenter shared that she had been in the same situation before.

“Happened to me years ago. That’s when I learned that if it didn’t work the first time round, it’s probably not going to work the second time round either. Move on, don’t waste your time, and potentially your money.”

A third commenter urged the woman to “trust her instincts,” adding:

“Remember, a leopard will never change its spots. You both had a good run…multiple times in fact..and still it doesn’t work out. The emotional part of wanting to get back together is because you were together for 6 long years and had grown comfortable even if it’s bad. Do not waste any more of your youth and time. No need to be kind to him. Move on!”

A fourth commenter recounted her own experience, “An ex broke up with me because he didn’t find me attractive anymore (I still looked the same as when he first met me). He asked to reconcile just a few months later but I declined nicely. He then said nasty things and deleted my number, blocked me from social media etc. Best decision ever made to not get back together.”

In other news, a fresh graduate aired his frustration online after landing a procurement role at a local company that offered him a monthly salary of S$3,500, saying the pay felt like “a mockery” of everything he had worked for.

In a post on Reddit’s r/asksg forum, the individual explained that getting to this stage had been anything but easy.

Read more: ‘A mockery of my degree’: Fresh graduate says S$3.5k job offer is ‘borderline embarrassing’