Woman shocked after BF asked her to pay for his mum’s birthday dinner

SINGAPORE: A woman took to social media to express her disbelief after her boyfriend asked her to pay for his mum’s birthday dinner.

Sharing the story on the r/askSingapore subreddit, she explained that although she and her boyfriend have been together for two years and are already discussing marriage, she has only met his Singaporean Chinese parents once and is far from being close to them.

According to her, his mum had extended multiple invitations for her to join family dinners at their home, but she always declined, as she “did not want to set up a precedent of going over too often”.

This time, however, she agreed. Her boyfriend invited her to the birthday celebration, his mum chose the restaurant, and the woman even went the extra mile. She discreetly purchased a thoughtful gift after asking her boyfriend what his mum might like.

And then came the shocker. At the dinner, her boyfriend abruptly informed her that they should just “split the bill” instead of presenting a gift. To her, this was utterly baffling.

“In my opinion, it’s pretty weird to ask your SO to chip in for your parent’s birthday celebration especially when invited,” she said. “[For me], it’s enough to just buy a small gift for the parent (nice gesture but not necessary) but no need to offer to pay.”

She then asked other Singaporeans in the forum whether this is “considered the norm” in the country. “I wanted to know whether this was the norm and what the thought process behind this was.”

“A real man wouldn’t ask his girlfriend to help pay for his parents’ birthday dinner.”

In the comments, many sided with the woman, arguing that bringing a gift for the celebrant is already more than enough, and that asking her to chip in for a party she didn’t host was completely unnecessary. Some even remarked that it was absurd that her boyfriend would make such an unreasonable request.

One said, “If I’m the parent, I would be half insulted. I or my son invited you. So you don’t have the rights to pay. You don’t even have the rights to offer to pay. You can do that when you’re the daughter/son in law.”

Another wrote, “Most definitely weird. I’d probably question your bf about why he thinks that it is ok to even suggest splitting the bill in the first place. Even paying for in-laws birthday dinner should only be if you were the one who suggested it, and then offer to pay for it BEFORE the dinner.”

A third added, “If you’re a guest you ought not be paying (no one should be expecting you to pay), although it’s considered polite to bring a gift. Actually, in general I think it would be odd to invite you and then expect you to pay.”

A few others also said that they saw this as a “red flag” behaviour and urged her to leave the relationship before it’s too late.

One commented, “Better run sis. Run and run and run. Huge red flag. Most people will fight over who gets the right to pay for dinner. Not the other way around.”

Another pointed out, “You’re a girl… that’s one thing I never get about Singaporean girls… can you raise the bar a little? It’s your bf’s parent’s birthday. He should be paying for the whole dinner. You can give them a gift or don’t. You’re the guest.”

“What the f is this 50/50 split? A real man wouldn’t ask his girlfriend to help pay for his parent’s birthday dinner. Please raise the bar. Only gf now imagine when you’re his wife. Good luck.”

In other news, a man who was recently retrenched after a decade in a specialised industry shared on Reddit that employers now expect him to acquire five new skills, each requiring a diploma, before even considering his application.

Writing on Reddit’s r/singapore forum on Saturday (Sept 20), he said, “I went for a few interviews, and they mostly asked me to be able to do many other things as well. [I was] asked to upskill 5 more skills, which all require a diploma each.”

“Then, I went to do a short course for one of the skills and scored a distinction for the exam. However, because I don’t have any professional experience for it, it doesn’t hold any merit. So what now? Are we just doomed?”

Read more: Retrenched man with 10 years of experience says employers want him to pick up 5 more skills, each requiring a diploma