Employer says she’s under ‘extreme stress’ as helper keeps rejecting and wasting home-cooked food

SINGAPORE: One employer says mealtimes have become a major source of frustration in her household after her domestic helper repeatedly turned down food prepared at home and allegedly wasted meals that had been cooked for her.

Posting anonymously in the “MDW in Singapore” Facebook group, the employer said her family had tried more than once to accommodate the helper’s food preferences, but nothing seemed to be working.

According to her, they even bought separate groceries and cooking staples so the helper could prepare her own meals whenever she wanted. On top of that, family members would sometimes cook food specifically for her as well.

Rather than making things easier, however, the employer claimed the situation only became more stressful.

Seeking advice from other domestic helpers, she wrote: “Do you adjust to employer meals or ask them to arrange your staples or just buy your own food when you feel like? How do we handle this?” 

“Talk to your helper.”

Her post quickly drew a flood of responses, with many domestic helpers saying they usually adapt to whatever food is available in their employers’ homes.

One helper shared, “I adjust. I was once picky, but when I started to work for other people, I learned to adjust as long as it’s edible. I also buy sometimes, whenever I feel like it, or sometimes I cook my own with whatever is inside the fridge.”

Another commented, “I don’t have a problem with food because I eat what my employer eats or we share food. Talk to your helper. If she doesn’t adjust, then let her buy her own food using her own money.”

A third added, “I adjust. I was once picky, but when I started to work for other people, I learned to adjust as long as it’s edible.”

Not everyone, however, follows the same arrangement. Some helpers explained that they eat separately from their employers due to differences in dietary preferences, culture, or religion.

One said, “I have an allowance for food because we eat different food. I eat halal food and Asian food, while my employer eats western food, she gave me one shelf in the fridge so my food would not be mixed up with theirs.”

Another, meanwhile, told the post author, “Your helper is old enough to know that eating is important for her well-being, so if she can’t try her best to adjust to what the employer is eating, that is her problem. She needs to learn how to feel blessed with the food that the employer provides for her.”

Helpers may struggle to adjust to local food

Employers are generally encouraged to keep an eye on whether their helper is eating well. If she regularly leaves food on her plate, loses weight unexpectedly, seems tired all the time, or keeps snacking throughout the day despite being given meals, it could be a sign that she’s not adapting well to the food she’s being served.

If that happens, the Ministry of Manpower (MOM) encourages employers to have an open conversation with their helper about her food preferences.

Questions like what her favourite comfort foods are, whether the portion sizes are enough, if there are foods she cannot eat for religious or health reasons, and whether she prefers sharing family meals or cooking her own food can help start the conversation.

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