SINGAPORE: A Singaporean mum shared on Reddit that she felt stunned and overwhelmed after her mother-in-law interfered with how she disciplines her child.
In a post on the r/asksg subreddit on Monday (Mar 30), the woman said she and her mother-in-law had argued a few weeks ago because her mother-in-law disagreed with her approach of “shouting” or lightly “tapping her son’s hand” when he misbehaved.
According to her, her son had previously “hit” her mother-in-law, “pulled her hair, and even knocked her teeth,” and she felt she had no choice but to correct his behaviour immediately.
Her mother-in-law, however, defended her grandson and insisted that the child’s actions were fine. The disagreement escalated, and the mother-in-law reportedly told her, “Settle what you owe me first before you decide to talk to me like that.”
The woman explained that she owed her mother-in-law around $10,000. She had been on the verge of losing her home and had to make payments to secure it. To help, her mother-in-law had loaned her some jewellery to pawn and settle the debt. “Now, when this fight came up, she used it to make me stumble. I was too stunned,” she wrote.
She then expressed, “I am sick and tired of being a puppet to people because I owe them. It also got me thinking. How much money would actually buy me peace? Peace is something that I have been chasing for very long. From the time I was young. Because of the fact that I had to care for my parents, because I had to continue feeding them when we were all hit with COVID, I had actually [racked] up debts of S$50k. Which I am nowhere near paying now.”
“There are often dark thoughts that come to me. I pray hard daily to either ask God to change my life or take it away.”
“Ask your spouse to speak to your mother-in-law.”
In the comments, one user criticised the mother-in-law, writing, “Her lending you money does not make her the boss of you, nor should it take away your authority as a parent. Let it be known that you owe her money, and she did not buy from you your rights as a parent. Their generation believes money wields power over everything, and that’s not right.”
Another user suggested she involve her husband. “In this case, ask your spouse to speak to your mother-in-law,” they said. “This is not about money or disrespecting her but about instilling basic manners in your child. Your spouse can talk back, shout, and cry at their mother even if she loans y’all money because your spouse is her child. Look for allies in your brother-in-law or sister-in-law. In this case, it’s best to find allies in her children and ‘convince’ her.”
A third added, “The problem is with your husband. He is supposed to protect you and keep his mum under control. Although you are ‘indebted’ to your MIL, it does not give her the right to impose her parenting on your child or speak to you in that way. Your husband has to step up and help you.”
In other news, a young Singaporean’s Reddit post has been drawing attention for laying bare the quiet, often unspoken struggles faced by locals who choose to study and build their lives overseas.
In her post, she shared that she has been feeling deeply “exhausted” after spending eight years in New Zealand. She first moved there as a student, full of hope for what lay ahead, and eventually entered the workforce, where she has spent the past few years working in the GLAM (Galleries, Libraries, Archives, and Museums) sector.
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