‘We gather for the sake of tradition’: 22 y/o Singaporean says CNY feels very transactional

SINGAPORE: A 22-year-old Singaporean recently shared that she no longer enjoys the Chinese New Year, saying the celebration now feels increasingly “transactional” rather than meaningful.

In her post on the r/ChillSG forum on Wednesday (Feb 18), she said the yearly visits feel more like an obligation than a genuine family reunion. “We gather for the sake of tradition, even though many of my relatives live nearby,” she wrote. 

“I don’t feel any real joy meeting them or answering the same questions every year, like, ‘Do you have a boyfriend?’, ‘Are you still studying?’, or ‘You need to lose weight, you’ve gotten fat.’”

She admitted that at times, she feels like she is only showing up to collect angbao. “I know that sounds very money-minded, but I simply don’t feel a connection with my relatives,” she said. “Even when I have free time, I don’t feel the urge to visit them or even drop them a message.”

During the holiday, she also said that her relatives often “force her” to talk to her cousins even when she doesn’t want to.

“We only see each other once a year, and I don’t see the point of suddenly talking just because it’s CNY. I usually end up falling asleep on the sofa or using my phone during gatherings,” she said. “I feel so disconnected that I’ve even thought about booking holidays around CNY in the future just to avoid the questions.”

While her parents have reminded her that their relatives are not getting any younger and that she might regret distancing herself when they pass on, she was candid about her feelings. She said she is not close to any of them and is perfectly fine going months without seeing them. 

“Does anyone else feel the same way?” she asked. 

“I like CNY, as I can connect with my uncles and aunties and my cousins.”

In the comments, one Singaporean Redditor said that the experience really depends on family dynamics. “It all boils down to how close the family is. If the family is toxic, then every CNY is a time of suffering. If the family is cohesive, supportive, and fun, then CNY is a joyful occasion,” they wrote.

They added that they have personally seen families who truly enjoy each other’s company. “I’ve seen families that are supportive and fun. I can feel the joy when they come together. After all, it is the people, not the event, that make it meaningful.”

Another commenter shared that they could relate to the woman’s frustrations. “I feel you, I think many of us feel the same,” they said. 

“If you don’t meet often, you’re not gonna be close, and then you’re left with all the awkward questions. And an awkward silence after. I’m also always running away for CNY just not to keep up with the pretense anymore.”

Meanwhile, a third Redditor offered a different perspective, saying not everyone feels disconnected during the festive season.

“For sure some will feel this way, and some might not feel this way. I like CNY, as I can connect with my uncles and aunties and my cousins, share food, and carry their babies,” he said. 

“Me and wife do not have kids, but we play with their kids and bring my dog over to socialise, take photos, and just mingle. Believe it or not, we don’t even ask each other what occupation we are doing because it really did not pop up. There were too many things to do and too many people. There were around 40 people on the first day of CNY,” he added.

In other news, a 20-year-old Singaporean has turned to the internet for advice after her mother publicly announced that she and her two siblings are not allowed to date until they reach the age of 30.

In a post on the r/SingaporeRaw forum, the young woman shared that her mum made the declaration during their Chinese New Year gathering, in front of relatives.

Read more: ‘She said that being single is the best’: 20 y/o woman says her mum announced during CNY gathering that she won’t let her date until she’s 30