‘She said that being single is the best’: 20 y/o woman says her mum announced during CNY gathering that she won’t let her date until she’s 30

SINGAPORE: A 20-year-old Singaporean has turned to the internet for advice after her mother publicly announced that she and her two siblings are not allowed to date until they reach the age of 30.

In a post on the r/SingaporeRaw forum, the young woman shared that her mum made the declaration during their Chinese New Year gathering, in front of relatives.

“She said that being single is the best,” the woman wrote, explaining that the comment came up because her cousins around her age already have partners. Their parents were chatting with her mum about it, which led to the sudden rule being announced.

“Personally, I feel that 30 is really a bit too old to START dating la. And realistically speaking, it would also be difficult to find romantic partners by the age of 30 (difficult, not impossible).”

The woman also said that she suspects that her mum’s painful past may have heavily influenced this decision.

According to her, her mum began dating her dad at just 13 years old. Their marriage, however, didn’t last long. Her dad soon left the household and never paid child support.

“I haven’t seen him since I was 4 years old. Actually, I don’t even have any recollection of him or what he looks like,” she said, adding that her mum was the only breadwinner and homemaker of the family, along with her grandma.

“I appreciate and really love her a lot, as bringing up 3 children on her own after her husband dumped her and took everything away from her is really a difficult feat.”

Still, although she understands that her mum probably only wants to prevent them from making the same mistakes, the woman hopes that she’ll still be able to explore her romantic interests and navigate her own love life as she pleases.

“I’m just concerned because I truly believe I should be free to explore my love life at my age, and I feel it’s unreasonable to say no dating at 20.”

Even her relatives and elders told her that they do not agree with her mum’s rule. “Some were even angry because she dated when she was 13 and also resisted my grandparents’ disapproval.”

“She’s really strict on a lot of stuff as well, but dating and love in particular she’s very strict about. I grew up to be a sneaky person. But I don’t want to be hiding a whole love life behind her back either. She makes me feel like I’m incompetent at anything, like a baby with no survival instincts who is going to get played by men. But please, I am 20… adult soon…”

The woman believes she knows how to communicate her needs, set boundaries, and stand up for herself. Even if she experiences heartbreak, she feels that it is something she needs to go through and learn from personally.

Seeking advice, she asked older members of the community for advice, writing:

“I just don’t know what to do… move out and pursue my own life when I’m older? I don’t want to leave her… she worked really hard to raise me… but I feel trapped. Everyone always says my mum is a hero; she’s really brave and tough… but behind all this, they all don’t know I feel this way.”

“Writing this lowkey got me tearing up… please don’t be mean… I’ve been feeling quite low over this. I feel like she just doesn’t want her kids to reproduce or whatever, I don’t know.”

“She needs to deal with her trauma.”

In the comments section, many Singaporean Redditors told her that she essentially has four choices. She can follow her mum’s rule and avoid dating altogether. She can date, but keep it a secret. 

She can move out and date openly on her own terms. Or she can sit down with her mum and have an honest conversation about why she disagrees with the restriction.

Most commenters leaned toward the second option and encouraged her to date quietly without seeking approval.

One user said, “Just ignore her and start dating. You’ll never be this young again and missing such an important part of your life really isn’t worth it—even if you’re doing it for your mum.”

Another chimed in, “She needs to deal with her trauma, and she is a hypocrite, but she is also overprotecting y’all due to her trauma. Just date secretly. There are a lot of problems and regrets when dating late.”

A third pointed out, “It takes a while to find a trusting partner, etc., so only dating at 30 could mean only settling down in your mid-30s. Then it’s harder to have kids, etc.”

A few, however, suggested that she try hearing out her mum’s side first. 

“Are you guys all she has, perhaps? You and your siblings, I mean,” one user wrote. 

“Maybe she just still sees her children as kids and doesn’t want them to get hurt like she did. Or perhaps you guys are the only people she’s close to, and she doesn’t have anyone else if you all found partners and built your own lives?” 

“Perhaps she has an internal spite towards people with partners because she made a bad judgment of character when dating at 13 and now assumes all men are bad? But yeah, maybe try to get to know her better. And if she still doesn’t change her mindset, then there’s no hope for her but for you to leave.”

In other news, a man who recently attended a career fair shared on social media that the experience left him convinced the job market is becoming increasingly “crazy” and unrealistic for fresh graduates.

Posting his experience on the r/singaporejobs forum on Saturday (Feb 14), he said that many of the roles advertised at the event were labelled as entry-level or suitable for fresh graduates. However, when he asked the recruiters about the positions, he was told that candidates were expected to have three to four years of working experience.

Read more: Job seeker says even ‘entry-level’ roles need 3 to 4 years of experience, calls job market ‘cooked’ and ‘crazy’