SINGAPORE: A man who earns around S$140,000 to S$160,000 has started to wonder what the norm is when it comes to dating expenses after a woman let him pay for every single thing throughout the three months they were seeing each other.
While the man said “he could comfortably afford it, genuinely enjoyed pampering her, and loved spending time together,” he admitted he couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that she was only seeing him because he paid for everything.
“She was appreciative whenever I paid for things, but I did wish she would also offer to chip in once in a while for the smaller items,” he wrote.
“I’m not sure if this is the norm in the SG dating scene. I do like being a provider and paying for things, it’s a bit of a cognitive dissonance for me because it’s hard to see my monthly savings rate decrease (I guess it’s unavoidable once you start dating), and I start wondering if she’s only there because of the money. Circumventing this by trying to date only within my income bracket also seems like a very d*ck move.”
They eventually parted ways
Although they got along well, the relationship ultimately ended for reasons unrelated to money. The man said he wanted children, while the woman was firm about wanting a DINK (Double Income, No Kids) lifestyle.
Knowing they wanted different futures, he never brought up his concerns about paying for everything because he felt the relationship was already heading towards a dead end. He also felt it would be “petty” to raise the issue since he earned more than she did.
Wanting an outside perspective, he eventually turned to the internet for advice.
“I’d like to get some advice on how I can navigate this issue in the future,” he wrote.
“Do guys pay for everything all the time when dating? For context, I’d say I’m relatively new to the dating scene (spent all my teens and early twenties grinding it out, sobs). I wasn’t able to really confide in my male/female friends and sibling(s) because I didn’t want to come off as bragging or spoiling market.”
“Just find someone who’s aligned with your financial values”
In the comments, many users said that men paying for everything is not the norm in Singapore.
One told him, “Nope, not all guys pay for everything, but the ones who do are greatly appreciated. Pay for the dates but spend within your means.”
Another wrote she believes it’s basic courtesy to at least offer to split the bill or cover smaller expenses.
“As a lady, I think it’s basic courtesy to offer to split, or at least offer to pay for other items (e.g. you pay for dinner while she offers to pay for desserts). That’s what I’d always do for dates. If she doesn’t, she’s probably using you for a free meal or is the kind where she thinks men should pay for everything.”
A third said, “Just find someone who’s aligned with your financial values. The right girl won’t make you feel like you are constantly giving (whether financially or otherwise) and will reciprocate.”
A few others, however, had a different take.
A handful of commenters said that in their experience, it is perfectly normal for the man to cover most, if not all, of the expenses.
One woman shared, “I’ve dated around for a bit and not all guys paid for the dates (sometimes I paid lol). So not normal until I met my current date. He paid for everything including my shopping. And apparently this is how a girl should be treated (his circle of friends are also provider men). That’s how I realise I’ve been getting crappy men in the past.”
In other news, a woman says she can no longer tell whether she’s being controlling or simply asking for reasonable boundaries after her boyfriend’s friendship with a female colleague became increasingly close.
With the pair spending evenings at bars, the cinema and karaoke together, she has begun questioning whether it’s “emotional cheating.”
Follow Google News
Join us on WhatsApp
Follow us on Telegram