SINGAPORE: A woman says she can no longer tell whether she’s being controlling or simply asking for reasonable boundaries after her boyfriend’s friendship with a female colleague became increasingly close.
With the pair spending evenings at bars, the cinema and karaoke together, she has begun questioning whether it’s “emotional cheating.”
Posting on the r/asksg forum, the woman shared that her boyfriend joined the company around three and a half years ago, while the female colleague started about two years ago.
While their friendship initially seemed harmless, she said it grew noticeably closer around a year ago, with the pair texting almost every day, regularly sending each other Instagram Reels and spending more time together one-on-one outside of work.
“They started off with just dinner after work… then going for drinks… then started watching movies together on weekends… going for karaoke… going to GastroBeats…. He asked and told me before going, and most of the time it was because I wasn’t free to meet him.”
“But the thing is, he would tell me he was going to XXX, but it would end up being a super long night out. For example, once he told me they were going for karaoke and dinner, but they ended up chilling until 4 am because they went to a bar.”
The woman also claimed her boyfriend regularly goes out of his way to send the colleague home, despite the distance involved.
“For reference, we stay at boonlay area, she stays at punngol …. even times where he would go drink with her (but he don’t drink) and then send her home.”
She added that their closeness has become so obvious that their office colleagues have started commenting on it, with some even saying the pair are “like a couple.”
‘Don’t control my life’
Feeling increasingly uncomfortable, she eventually brought up the issue with her boyfriend.
However, he insisted they were “just bestfriends” and that the colleague saw him as nothing more than a “bro.”
He also reminded her that his colleague has other “male friends” and argued that he had always been transparent by updating her about his plans.
According to the woman, he also told her she “shouldn’t control his life.”
Despite those reassurances, she said she still feels unsettled. More than anything, she is hurt by the contrast between the effort he puts into spending time with his colleague and the lack of quality time in their own relationship.
“I had a big fight about it after one of his night out with her he says I’m overreacting but I feel like it’s emotional cheating. We haven’t been in a proper date in a while but he can dress up and go out with her….I really don’t know if I’m overreacting and being controlling….”
“I’m not comfortable about how close they are, shouldn’t he respect my feelings and keep the boundaries?”
Interestingly, she added that she has met the colleague at one of her boyfriend’s family gatherings and found her to be genuinely “nice.”
‘Leave the table when respect is no longer served’
Believing the boyfriend had crossed a line, many urged the woman to end the relationship.
One wrote, “Auntie here, can only say any girl in your position will feel insecure, and a good guy should not place himself in the position where people will mistake him and another girl to be couple. If I were you I’ll be dignified and walk. I also willing to bet they’ll be together if you break up with him.”
Another felt the amount of time he was spending with his colleague was a “major red flag.”
“It seems that you aren’t really his priority, that girl is. And the fact that even after you tried communicating with him, he doesn’t seem to consider your feelings, it just seems that he doesn’t respect you as a partner, neither does he respect the relationship.”
A third commenter said this was “hands down emotional cheating,” adding, “I think it’s absurd how much time he’s spending on someone who isn’t his girlfriend. I’d rather spend time making sure I can ease things at home for my partner.”
Meanwhile, another urged the woman to value herself more, writing, “You are better than this. Leave the table when respect is no longer served.”
In other news, a Singaporean bride-to-be is facing a heartbreaking dilemma years before she even walks down the aisle: Should she invite the mother who kicked her out and hasn’t spoken to her in years?
Wanting outside opinions, the woman turned to Reddit’s r/askSingapore forum on Tuesday (July 7), where she opened up about her difficult childhood and the strained relationship that eventually drove the two apart.
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